Experiment Number 626
Monday, September 01, 2003
Site Move
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst.Advertising : Reebok CyberRider
I have moved. The site finally has a new home and no more blogger! Woo Hoo. The new site can be found at..
http://blog.clearbluedolphin.com
Please update your bookmarks, links etc...
V4
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst.Advertising : Reebok CyberRider
I love my camera, it's a Samsung Digimax V4 and it's so great! I was playing with it the other night when Wing came round and molested my dog. It has all the features I'd like on a camera, looks nice, works well and the upload time is amazing. It took only 20 seconds to upload 40 200k pics the other day. I love it so much. If you're looking for a new digital camera, I recommend it very highly.
Michelle pointed out to me the other day that we're currently in 2003. For some reason I was under the impression that this was 2004. I also found out that I got married in the year 2000, and not 2002 as I was under the impression. SO, Gordon, when I spoke to you the other day, it was meant to be 4 years this.. oh.. 3 year? Sh*t... I can't work it out. Damn, I fear divorce is imminent. Of course, I did recently have to ask if I was 28 or 27.. no, 27 or 26... damn it... f*ckers.....
Well, I'm going to start duplicating these blogs on my new site from today and then, if it's all working well, I'll set this place to forward to the new site from next week. Suwheeeeeeeeeeeat
I bet this picture is like porn to some people.
Sunday, August 31, 2003
Let's Get Physical
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst.Advertising : Reebok CyberRider
No, it's not an invitation for a fight and no, it's not an invitation for sex (yeah.. pull your cacks back up Peekers), let's talk about fitness. Michelle wants to get a Reebok step so I was looking at the Boots Wellbeing website. I found the step and then started checking out some of the other fitness equipment. After a bit of perusing I then visited the Reebok Fitness website. Was checking out some of the great exercise stuff they sell and stumbled upon this. It's a Reebok CyberRider. It's an exercise bike with gamepad buttons built in and an interface to connect it to the PC, PS1 or PS2. It's from Reebok so, it's not some cheap tacky piece of sh*t. It's primarily a proper cycle which you can use to exercise whilst playing a game. Alright, so, you're thinking, you could exercise on a normal exercise cycle and just hold the gamepad in your hands. Sure, that's true but the way this works is that the faster you pedal, the faster your car moves, thus, it makes you work harder on the bike. It directly transfers your speed to that of the vehicle you're racing, if you so wish. Sounds like a good laugh and works with certain games better than others but ultimately it's good exercise as well. No, I'm not planning to get one but I do think the idea is pretty cool. If you want one, John Lewis sell them and they cost around £299.
Alright Wing, go ahead, comment about how you cycle around everywhere.... scuzzy f*cker.
The Reeeeeeeeeeeeeebok CyberRider.
Saturday, August 30, 2003
Wing's Photo site
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst.Advertising : Bol.com
Oh, we discovered the other day that Wing looks like Gizmo, the Gremlin. Anyway, Wing's put up a photo gallery and has asked me to put a link up to it. Luckily (for me and you) there are no photos of myself up there but there are pictures of Wing and some of his fellow circus members. I recommend you check it out, you can find it here. I promise that you will laugh your arse off. In the meanwhile, here are some pics from his personal gallery.
Wing, when he was younger.
Wing's current love.
Wing's first girlfriend.
Wing now. This was taken last year.
Wing's adopted father.
Wing's older brother.
Virus
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst.Advertising : Bol.com
Are virus writers cool? The underground 'Neo's' of real life, trying to f*ck with the system. Nah, they're generally intelligent guys (mainly) who most people wouldn't even piss on. They're not stupid, clearly they're not but it wouldn't surprise me if they're loners trying to be big and cool, and failing dismally.
Anyway, someone who has a couple of my e-mail address and I could probably figure out whom quite easily due to the e-mail addresses that the mails were sent to has a virus. That's one of you guys. Clear it dudes... I don't want that sh*t in my inbox. Well, I don't actually use either of those addresses anyway so it doesn't bother me too much. Get a virus scanner though, it's pretty much a necessity these days.
Anyway, my point is that the cocks that write viruses should get harsh sentencing. Virus writing is terrorism as far as I see it, net terrorism. People aren't killed but money is lost and a lot of regularly people who've done nothing wrong lose data or just get messed around for no good reason. It's no good saying, it's their own fault, they should have a virus scanner. A lot of people that use computers don't know too much about them, they just want to be able to use e-mail and surf the web. It's no use blaming Microsoft. If you write software, you'll know that it's not easy to write software with 0 holes in it and 0 bugs. Anyone that says that is an arrogant prick and/or full of sh*t. Writing a virus doesn't show us that Microsoft is sh*t, sure, some dumbasses jump onto the bandwagon and blame them for everything that is ever bad with computers. A system as big as Windows will have bugs. People think that only Windows and Microsoft e-mail clients have bugs. That's crap. Most software does have bugs people just choose to target Microsoft because they're a behemoth, they're known as 'the system' and some billy-no mates wants to impress the world by f*cking the sytem. Good luck f*cking the system behind metal bars whilst Big Al is buttraping you. Virus writing is malicious, wastes bandwith, costs money and hurts innocent people. The way I see it, a virus writer should get what he deserves on TV. Inject him with real worms, inject him with real viruses and let the f*cker see if his body is free from holes and bugs. Let's f*ck the system, his immune system. (BBC - I know you read this I saw you on the stats, you may wish to use this to improve Saturday night television.)
If you give a sh*t, you can read the BBC NOT PAID FOR BY MY LICENSE FEE BUT THROUGH ADVERTISING website's news article over here.
Loner or Boner? Loner.
Friday, August 29, 2003
Nigel says
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst.Advertising : Bol.com
Dear All,
F*cking Road tax. Just paid it. £145 for the year. F*cking government.
F*cking Parking Fees. I pay road tax. Why do I have to pay to park on the roads. F*cking council. F*cking government.
F*cking Road tax. Just paid it. £145 for the year. F*cking government.
F*cking Tolls. If I drive into London, I pay £5 toll fee. F*cking Ken Livingstone. F*cking government.
F*cking transport ticket rises. We have to pay more to take an efficient system like the tube soon, because Ken Livingstone wants us to take buses instead. WHY? F*cking Ken Livingstone. F*cking Government.
F*cking Hutton Inquiry. Who gives a sh*t. We know Tony Blair is a c*nt, we know all politicians are liars. Why use our tax money to investigate what nobody gives a sh*t about. It won't change a thing. F*cking inquiries. F*cking Tony Blair. F*cking government.
F*cking Diane Investigation. She died six years ago. SIX YEARS AGO. What the hell is the point of investigating her death, with our tax money now? Will it resurrect her. NO. Do I care who was ultimately to blame? No. I don't know whose idea this inquiry was.. F*cking government.
F*cking petrol tax. In July 2000, 80% of the cost of petrol in the UK was tax. F*CKING HELL. DON'T WE PAY ENOUGH TAX ON CARS ALREADY. THINK ABOUT THE 17.5% I PAID WHEN I BOUGHT MY CAR. F*CKING GOVERNMENT. F * C K I N G G O V E R N M E N T.
F*cking TAX IN GENERAL. I work hard. I pay tax. I save money. I pay tax. I decide to use the money which I've earnt and paid tax on to buy a house. I pay stamp duty (1% of the cost of the house) as well as other fees. I move into the propery. I pay more tax, every month. AND WHERE DOES MY TAX GO? INTO F*CKING STUPID INQUIRIES. INTO PENSIONS FOR MPs THAT LOOK LIKE GNOMES. INTO CARS AND CHAUFFEURS AND FOOD AND SCHMOOZING FOR STUPID F*CKING POLITICANS WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO WORK SO MANY HOURS EVERY BLOODY WEEK AND SEE IT ALL DISAPPEAR BEFORE THEIR EYES. STUPID F*CKING POLITICIANS WHO ARE PAID SO MUCH MONEY (FROM OUR TAX) AND THUS CANNOT APPRECIATE THE AVERAGE PERSON'S PROBLEMS.
SO... IF by a strange miracle Osama Bin Laden is reading this. OSAMA. Use some f*cking intelligence you stupid c*nt. Next time you decided to hire some bonehead fanatics to fly a plane into a building. DON'T ATTACK THE INNOCENT PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. ATTACK THE POLITICIANS. It's those f*ckers that leech of the rest of us. Attack the c*nts that earn millions for kicking a football. I honestly cannot see many people who would cry if The Houses of Parliament went boom. OH.. Osama, after you're done with that, blow yourself up, you c*nt.
F*CK YOU ALL.
Love, Nigel.
Wing says
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst.Advertising : Bol.com
Well... Peekers contributed a blog for me. Here is is in it's unedited, original state complete with spelling mistakes.
Toilets
Happiness Factor : Hungry. Like : I like it when i do a poop which requires no wipes Dislike : Wiping. Most Wanted : Toilet roll. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : www.playboy.com
Why is is when people take a s*it at work they can and do feel like they have the privalage of dumping over the entire bowl and not flushing ??
There is nothing worse then goign for your morning poo and finding a choclate submarine wating for you to flush away. Why can the muppets flush !!!
Isnt it great when you poop and it requires no wiping, that is so economical and enviromentally friendly.
Happy Dumping
Ammar Says
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst.Advertising : Bol.com
Sometimes Ammar comes up with something which is simple, yet funny....
what is chips without fish?
what is chalk without cheese?
what is goldilocks without the three bears?
what is a redneck without a lumberjack shirt?
what is light without darkness?
what is wing without nigel?
Thursday, August 28, 2003
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst.Advertising : Bol.com
E-mail is amazing, with one click we can communicate with friends all over the globe. Sadly, e-mail (along with texting) has contributed to the decline in grammar and spelling. People are now very happy to write 2 instead of two, or u instead of you. Ugh. However, e-mail has also made us lazy, instead of reading and checking, we type and hit send, and then think... sh*t.
A mail was sent around to the entire department in which I work by our team secretary. It was slightly light-hearted, requesting cables that we no longer require in return for chocolate bars. I get on quite well with the sender so I sent a response back relating to an ongoing joke between a few of us. The response was,
"How many choc bars if I let you lock Su*** in a cupboard?"
As soon as I'd hit send I then realised I'd accidentally previously clicked 'Reply To All', instead of Reply. Sh*t was the first word to pass through my head and then, Beep, BEEP, BEEEEEP all around me as every PC on our floor picks up the new mail. I then realised that the e-mail didn't just go to our department, it went to everyone except for 10 people, i.e. 200+ employees, managers, the lot. Thank God I wasn't lewd or vulgar in my e-mail.
Of course, it could have been worse, take the case of Claire Swires.
Is this the greatest ever email hoax?
By: Kieren McCarthy
Posted: 12/12/2000 at 13:17 GMT
The saga starts with a group email of a smutty joke:
"A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says: 'But sir, its just a sperm bank!' 'I don't care, open it now!' he orders. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says: 'Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!' She looks at him: 'BUT, they are sperm samples?' 'DO IT!' So the nurse sucks it back. 'That one there, drink that one as well', so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally, after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says: 'See honey - its not that hard.'"
A person on the list, one Bradley Chait, forwards the gag onto Claire with the message "cute".
Claire replies, touch in cheek: "Lucky I swallow, so that wont be happening to me!"
Bradley comes back to her: "Not ALL the time I hope (or so you would have me believe)"
Claire then makes the remark that was to turn her into a legendary figure: "I hadn't swallowed for years but yours was yum and very good for me too! Apparently it's very good conditioner for your hair too... getting a funny picture in my head, giggling out loud and now having to explain to Dave what's so funny!"
This was all supposedly a personal communication, but then Bradley - logically following man's intrinsic necessity to boast, forwards it - with the entire history - to six of his mates, with the message: "now THAT'S a nice compliment from a lass, isn't it?"
This is then emailed from one of Bradley's "mates" to 14 others with the catchline "beggars belief. I feel honour bound to circulate this". We can't be sure how much further the email is hoax and how much real forwarding from people to their friends. But nevertheless, before you knew it, the email was popping up all over the place and a worldwide hunt for Claire had begun.
We were a tiny bit suspicious that only Bradley's email address had appeared in the bottom half of the email and decided to call the law firm that Bradley works for - Norton Rose in the City of London - to see what we could find out. Even the receptionist knew what was going on. Does a Claire Swire work there? We asked. "We've been hearing quite a lot about Claire today," she told us. "But as yet we have no idea or recollection of who she is." Does Bradley Chait work there? "Yes." Can you put us through to him?
And so Bradley answers the phone. "Is that Bradley Chait?" "Could be, why?" We tell him we're from The Reg and ask him about the email. Wearily, he tells us: "It's a hoax. A very good one though, I have to admit." Does he know who set him up? "No. But then I wouldn't put it past any of the boys here - I've just started, you see."
And there you have it - possible the greatest ever new-boy practical joke, using the modern medium of email. Bradley has been completely inundated with emails - god only knows what most of them said. It was possibly the need to delete them all that led to him making his excuses and hanging up.
Unfortunately, we didn't have time to ask him if he actually knew a Claire Swire and the search seems to be going on, but it seems possible that the prankster that set up Bradley also thought he'd have a go at Claire while there. Jilted lover? Practical-joke making friend? Who knows?
Taken from The Register
Well, sadly for poor old Claire, it wasn't a hoax...
Yummy Claire: we try to clear up this mess
By: Kieren McCarthy
Posted: 14/12/2000 at 15:40 GMT
Well, good lord, the Great Claire Debate of 2000 (see: Is this the greatest ever email hoax?). We spent most of yesterday trying to get to the bottom of the whole affair while being continually bombarded with sightings, extra "info", outright lies and accusations of stupidity. You, the readers, provided us with just over 400 emails, 30 of whom claimed to be from Claire and five of which were useful. But thanks anyway.
The story so far - an email conversation, supposedly between one Bradley Chait, employee of London law firm Norton Rose, and Claire Swire, discussing their sex life, is forwarded round the world. Claire apparently thought Bradley's cum was 'yum'. He told the Reg it was all a hoax and he'd been set up.
This is what's happening now.
Formal disciplinary action was started against Bradley Chait yesterday by Norton Rose and will take a few days. He has been banned from talking to the media, so we can't ask him about it either.
We had a chat with the Norton Rose spokeswoman, Andrea Turrell, expressing sympathy for ole Bradley. She wasn't to be drawn, saying she had no personal feelings about the case, but did point out that the email has by now been all over the world with Norton Rose's name plastered over it. We can see how having a serious law firm connected with blow jobs is not ideal.
As for Claire: we know she is not happy about what has happened. We tracked down her employer, who's not happy either.
So, sadly, what was a frankly hilarious episode is now getting serious.
Somewhat ironically as well, The Times has run a feature today entitled "Warning: an email could seriously harm your career". In it, the head of graduate recruitment for KPMG, spells out the stance that has been the undoing of two, now infamous, people. "It is against our culture for staff to email any kind of abusive or pornographic material - Anyone breaking our code of conduct would be dealt with very seriously and may even lose their job," said Keith Dugdale.
So there you have it - be careful out there folks. Or simply refrain from discussing the full-bodied qualities of semen until you're down the pub.
BTW this whole affair has created enough stories for a small book, but two of our favourites are: the army officer in Kosovo who has used all his contacts and satellite phone to try to reach Claire, and the fact that several offices have sent (presumably graphic) Christmas cards to one Claire's address. It certainly sparked some form of creativity as men all over the country tried to locate their own "Claire" before the office party on Friday.
And finally Norton Rose have issued a press statement concerning email abuse. You can read it on its Web site. Could this company be related to the Norton Rose that told the BBC that few companies spent any time telling employees what their obligations (on sending emails)are? We think we should be told.
Taken from The Register
OR!!!! The Bonking Banker...
Emailing banker bonks his Korean chickies
By Tim Richardson
Posted: 23/05/2001 at 15:40 GMT
A City financier from London has resigned after a sexually explicit email charting his sexpolits in Korea was forwarded around the world.
Mirroring events that turned "yummy" Claire Swires into a household name overnight, Peter Chung's email was so entertaining his friends forwarded it on their friends...and so on.
That was a week ago. Since then, countless people have read - and forwarded - the email to the acute embarrassment of stiff-shirted financial outfit, The Carlyle Group.
Chung has since resigned - but not before boasting to pals how he is going to "f@*k every hot chick in Korea over the next 2 years" and how he was "a stud in NYC".
Anyhow, you don't need El Reg to bang on about this anymore. You know exactly what the crack is.
The only thing I'd add is some of the comments that have attached themselves to the email as it's spun its way around the world. Things like "absolute wanker banker", "what a complete knob" and "jackass" are typical of the contempt people hold for this individual.
Enjoy.
The Email that started it all
Subject: LIVING LIKE A KING
Date: Tue, 15 May 2001 17:26:21 -0700
So I've been in Korea for about a week and a half now and what can I say, LIFE IS GOOD....I've got a spanking brand new 2000 sq. foot 3 bedroom apt. with a 200 sq. foot terrace running the entire length of my apartment with a view overlooking Korea's main river and nightline......Why do I need 3 bedrooms? Good question,...the main bedroom is for my queen size bed,...where CHUNG is going to f@*k every hot chick in Korea over the next 2 years (5 down, 1,000,000,000 left to go).... the second bedroom is for my harem of chickies, and the third bedroom is for all of you f@*kers when you come out to visit my ass in Korea. I go out to Korea's finest clubs, bars and lounges pretty much every other night on the weekdays and everyday on the weekends to (I think in about 2 months, after I learn a little bit of the buyside business I'll probably go out every night on the weekdays).
I know I was a stud in NYC but I pretty much get about, on average, 5-8 phone numbers a night and at least 3 hot chicks that say that they want to go home with me every night I go out. I love the buyside,.... I have bankers calling me everyday with opportunties and they pretty much cater to my every whim - you know (golfing events, lavish dinners, a night out clubbing). The guys I work with are also all chilll - I live in the same apt building as my VP and he drives me around in his Porsche (1 of 3 in all of Korea) to work and when we go out. What can I say,.... live is good,... CHUNG is KING of his domain here in Seoul.....
So,.... all of you f*@kers better keep in touch and start making plans to come out and visit my ass ASAP, I'll show you guys an unbelievable time....My contact info is below....Oh, by the way,... someone's gotta start fedexing me boxes of domes,...I brought out about 40 but I think I'll run out of them by Saturday.....
Laters,
CHUNG
Peter Chung
The Carlyle Group
Taken from The Register
or THIS numbnut....
Claire Swires MK II: Man suspended over sex boast email
By Tim Richardson
Posted: 04/10/2002 at 09:00 GMT
A bank worker has been suspended from his job in the City after he sent an email to friends boasting about a chance sexual encounter while watching football on the telly,
Trevor Luxton, who works as a clerk at Credit Lyonnais, sent the email to five friends on Wednesday morning. Within hours it had been forwarded around the world making it the latest example of a private email being made public.
If you haven't seen it, the text of the email reads:
"Last night I was all geared up for a night in front of the telly watching football, having a ruby and a couple of beers while Jo's still away. Suddenly I get a text from Laura my mates ex which says I'm coming round because I need to see you.
So she comes round and we get chatting about all sorts of stuff and then we start kissing a fondling (as you do). Then I find my self sitting in the arm chair with a beer in one hand remote in the other, West ham on the box and Laura on her knees sucking my piece
Then the phone rings and it's Jo who was bored at the airport...
So now I've got my beer, Laura sucking and Jo chatting to me on the dog when Laura stops sucking looks up at me winks and whispers "say hello to Jo for me" and then gets back to the job in hand...
Am I the worst boyfriend in the world or what?????"
Now, there is only one thing that is shocking about this incident. It's not the fact he wrote it and sent it in the first place; nor is it that one of his friends decided to forward it on to someone else.
Even the comments that became attached to the email can be forgiven. Comments like: "think we should get this dirty love rat in as much trouble as possible" and "LETS GET THIS TWO TIMING *RSE HOLE IN TROUBLE.....SEND THIS TO EVERY ONE YOU KNOW WHO WORKS IN THE CITY AND HOPEFULLY IT WILL GET BACK TO HIS BIRD!!!!! I LOVE BEING EVIL!!!!".
No, the truly shocking thing about this email hysteria and public humiliation is that this kind of thing doesn't happen more often
Taken from The Register
And Finally, who could forget poor old Jim's e-mail blunder in the original American Pie. Now THAT would be embarassing.
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
BOL
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island
If you enjoy reading and live in the UK this may be of interest to you. BOL.com are a company who sell new books at roughly a 60% discount. I've bought from them before and they're pretty good. Membership is free and your first order is discounted or something similar. You must then buy at least 1 one other book from them. The books however are ridiculously cheap (and not substandard). For example, a book I recently read, 'The Lovely Bones' by Alice Sebold costs £2.79 there and retails for £6.99. Postage is £1 for 1 book, £2 for 2 books and free otherwise. If you know of any similar places (books, CDs DVDs etc..) in your country, add them to the comments for others to see.
http://www.uk.bol.com/
Damnit... I have the hiccups....
How Clean is your house?
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island
There's a program shown in England about two ladies that visit people's houses and clean it for them. Sounds boring doesn't it? Well, I saw it for the first time yesterday and ended up watching the entire programme. It's strangely appealing due to the fact that the people they visit are some of the most digusting people to ever have graced UK television. In all seriousness, if you are about to eat food (or plan to eat food at all today or ever again), do not read on.
The ladies visited the house of a (roughly 28 year old) bachelor (unsurprising). On the surface the house looked absolutely sickening. Sadly, as they dug deeper, it was worse than first appearances showed. The guy literally lived in rubbish. He'd eat and not put his junk in the bin, he'd just leave it on the floor. The amount of old containers filled with left over food and mould amazed me. He'd cook (surprisingly) and never wash up. They showed a tray on which he'd made mashed potatoes, he'd left it so long that the dirty tray had grown mould on. He'd shave in his bedroom. Strange but ... alright. No, not alright. He didn't shave into the bin, he'd just shave, letting his hair fall onto the floor. He'd even shaved his head and let the hair just fall onto the floor. His bedroom was like a pigsty. Literally, rubbish, clothes, food cartons all over the place. The fact that he could sleep amongst that amazed me. The entire carpets were stained with dirt and cat hair was deeply knotted into the rugs. The man seemed to have never dusted the place. The toilet was disgusting, the toilet brush was covered with faeces and he'd p*ssed all over the thing and never washed it. The sink and taps had never been cleaned and had even formed calcium on them.
The fact that he wasn't dead, amazed me. In a dusty house, imagine the crap you're breathing in! Insect traps were left around the house by the cleaners. The types of insects that were attracted were vomit inducing, to say the least. The guy had a pet cat. The cat litter tray was left in the kitchen, right beside the fridge. I get the feeling that a lot of people do this which is strange. Most humans wouldn't piss in the kitchen, why let your cat do that? They showed how the cat would slash, then stand in it, jump on the kitchen worktops, into the sink etc... Ugh... I don't care how clean cats are, it's still disgusting. The state of the cooker was absolutely foul. How a human could cook on that is beyond me. His freezer was full of ice. A small freezer, literally full of ice. LITERALLY. He'd smacked a little nook into the ice to force in a pack of vegetables! And the fridge was almost bare except for old food he'd never thrown out. The programme was filmed sometime in 2004. The eggs inside the fridge were best before 2002. They must have stunk. When the cleaners broke the egg, the yoke was a reddish brown and had formed into a weird rubbery looking .... gunk. I have no words to describe it, but I can honestly say it is one of the most digusting things I have ever seen.
I can understand that it's hard to find the time or the inclination to clean but, even after a week, hell, after a few days, the dust shows. The thought of going a a week without disgusting and cleaning amazes me. The thought of going a month repels me. The thought of never ever cleaning sickens me. That guy must never ever have had a female over. I'm sure that any female, hell, any human taken into that place would vomit and walk off. Still the visit, humiliation and lessons taught by those ladies 'seemed' to have paid off. Two weeks later he'd managed to keep the house spotless. My mum informs me that that was relatively tame in comparison. People had previously been cooking food in a grill that was covered with an inch of fat.
If you're interested in watching it, the programme is called, 'How Clean is Your House?' and is show on Channel 4 in the UK.
C*nt Features
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island
is going on holiday for two weeks... WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!
Little Lights
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island
Off and on I see little lights. I'm staring at the monitor and I'll see something out of the corner of my eye, look where it was and see nothing there. I'm seeing little lights. Ammario pointed out that I may have glaucoma (not to frighten me!!!). Hopefully i don't. Going blind would really suck. When I went to the opticians for my last check, at the end of the exam she asked if I ever see flashing lights. I said yes, so she said okay, everything's fine. What a professional.
Peanut Butter
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island
is so f*cking boring...
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
Fancy John and the Cub Scouts
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island
Fancy John and the Cub Scouts
One hot sunny day, Fancy Jon was sitting on a fancy fishing stool in the middle of a fancy forest. Dressed in his usual attire of fancy pink sneakers, fancy white denim jeans and fancy sweatshirt (emblazoned with a big GAP logo) Jon was busy looking at the wildlife and masturbating. Jon liked to pretend he was Jack from Television's 'Will & Grace'. He smiled as he remembered the countless times when his brother had invited him out but he'd declined on account of the Will & Grace reruns and marathons being on.
Anyway, on this particular fancy day in Fancy Jon's fancy life, cub scouts suddenly entered the fancy forest. Jon blinked and then squirted on his fancy pants. 'Oh dag,' said Jon and then wiped up the mess with his hands before licking them clean. 'Mmmm, Salty,' said Jon. Jon sat and watched as the cub scouts pitched their tents and did other cub scout stuff such as eating tins and beating each other over the heads with pots.
As the evening grew nearer, Jon had spent 23 times whilst looking at the cub scouts. All of a sudden, Indecisive Ammar, ex-scoutmaster and the oldest of the cub scouts decided to go for a wander. Indecisive Ammar, so-called because he was indecisive decided, indecisively to go for a walk. Indecisive Ammar, couldn't quite figure out which path to take. So, he sat and deliberated. 8 days later, Indecisive Ammar had almost figured out a path and then changed his mind. After much more contemplating, Indecisive Ammar walked towards Fancy Jon, who was now covered in jizz juice. 'Hello' said Indecisive Ammar, Jon squirted. 'Oooohh,' said Indecisive Ammar. 'Uhhhhhhhhhhh' said Fancy Jon. 'I like cub scouts' said Fancy Jon, his mouth watering. 'I like jizz juice' said Indecisive Ammar, his mouth watering. I wonder if I should have some or not. 10 days later Ammar still hadn't decided. Fancy Jon had now squirted on Indecisive Ammar 158 times. Just as he was about to decide a big bear turned up. The bear looked at each of the morons in turn. He looked at Ammar and growled, 'You're comments are so incredibly shit that they don't even justify pissing on. GRRRR' He looked at Fancy Jon and said, 'Your comments are lame, they used to be funny. GRRRR,' and with one swing off his paw knocked both their heads off.
The End.
Singing Crickets, prostitutes and a vasectomy
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According to Annanova....
Chinese cafe says singing cricket is a big draw
A cafe in China claims to have a singing cricket as a regular performer.
The South China Morning Post newspaper quotes the state-run Xinhua news agency as saying the cricket is the the major attraction in the cafe in Haining.
It says the cricket does requests from customers and has a large repertoire of songs.
The paper says the creature is particularly good at singing songs by Chinese artist Faye Wong.
The cafe is said to have been "packed out" since the cricket started performing two weeks ago.
Binmen sacked for sex with prostitute in rubbish truck
Two binmen in the US have been sacked for having sex with a prostitute in a rubbish truck.
The men, who worked for the council in Rochester, New York state, had sex with the woman on August 5 while they were on duty.
One of the men was a full-time employee, while the other was a seasonal worker, reports the Democrat and Chronicle.
Rochester Mayor William A Johnson Jr, said: "During the course of an investigation, it's my understanding that one of the men admitted to what happened."
The men had been reported to council management by a member of the public who said he saw the incident.
Johnson, who didn't know the identity of the two workers, said their actions wouldn't be tolerated. "This is a very difficult thing to do because the men had families but we can't condone this type of behaviour. This was probably the most expensive sex act that they've ever committed."
Brazilian given vasectomy ' for earache'
A Brazilian who went to a surgery complaining of earache is suing doctors after they performed a vasectomy on him instead.
Valdemar Lopes de Moraes, 39, went to his local surgery in Montes Claros and told the receptionist he had been feeling pain in the ear for days.
On the same day there was a vasectomy scheduled for a man called Aldemar Rodrigues, 29 and when the receptionist called "Aldemar", Valdemar thought he was being called and went in.
Doctor Luiz Carlos Lenoir told Estado de Sao Paulo newspaper that he was a bit surprised when he saw his patient had not been shaved but nothing else was said and he carried on with the surgery.
Mr Moraes said: "I thought my earache had turned into something more serious and had descended to my genitals, that is why I didn't say anything."
The hospital will perform another surgery at Mr Moraes to reverse the vasectomy next week.
Mr Moraes said: "I don't care about the vasectomy I already have two sons. What I really want is that they cure this earache that is killing me."
The local health secretary said the case was still being investigated.
Man questioned after kitten's head bitten off
A man who allegedly bit the head off a kitten in front a party of children has been arrested, confirm police.
Detectives in Llanelli launched an inquiry when a woman reported witnessing the act and claiming it had made her physically sick.
The alleged incident took place at a barbecue at Heol Tregonning, Llanelli, south Wales on Saturday.
Children reportedly screamed in shock as a gatecrasher to the barbecue allegedly ripped off the kitten's head with his teeth.
RSPCA officials denounced the act as "sickening and depraved" and promised to do everything to catch the person responsible.
A Dyfed Powys police spokesman: "A 32-year-old local man has been arrested and granted bail pending further inquiries."
Stripper accused of squirting breast milk won't be charged
US authorities have decided against charging a stripper with assault after she allegedly squirted breast milk in a customer's face.
The 20-year-old denied the man's claim she squeezed her breasts and squirted him with milk during a lap dance at a club in Jackson, Michigan.
She claimed that he had grabbed her breast as she performed the dance at the city's School House club.
"We looked at the report and, based on the evidence, we don't believe we could obtain a guilty verdict beyond a reasonable doubt," Julius Giglio, city attorney, told the Jackson Citizen Patriot.
The dancer, who told police she had recently had a child, said milk never squirted from her breast or struck the man in the face.
But she told police that milk may have dripped during the dance or when he grabbed her breast.
The man complained to a club manager, who offered free soft drinks and passes to the club. The man declined the offers, left the club and filed a police report a short time later.
The dancer, who still works at the club, never filed a complaint with police, but her claims were included in a report to the city attorney, Deputy Police Chief Matt Heins said.
And finally... for those of you that never saw the story before.. here it is again...along with pictures of Geoffrey and Gordon as kids.
Celebration burgers for child wrestlers
A Georgian child who has found international fame after being matched with another giant youngster for a wrestling contest, has celebrated his fifth birthday in McDonald's. Georgy Bibilauri, who is 4ft and weighs eight stone, posed for photographers as he tucked into a burger, fries, chocolate ice cream and fizzy drinks at the Tblisi branch of the chain. The celebration meal followed his one-off bout with Russian Dzhambulat Khotokhov. According to organisers, Khotokhov is the world's largest four-year-old - weighing eight stone 11 pounds. The wrestling match ended in a draw, and the boys say they have now become friends after spending the day with each other.
Sowfeeee
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island
Sowfee left some comments on the Dreams blog. I just re-visited her blog. I'm not entirely sure why I'm linking her site. It's so .... bad/f*cked up/weird that I feel the need to regularly visit it. I think Sowfee will be commited to a mental asylum very soon. Before she does, you may wish to visit her site. (Peekers.. you'll like it)
