Experiment Number 626

2003-09-01T14:47:00.000-07:00

Site Move
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst.Advertising : Reebok CyberRider

I have moved. The site finally has a new home and no more blogger! Woo Hoo. The new site can be found at..

http://blog.clearbluedolphin.com

Please update your bookmarks, links etc...

2003-09-01T04:24:00.000-07:00

V4
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst.Advertising : Reebok CyberRider

I love my camera, it's a Samsung Digimax V4 and it's so great! I was playing with it the other night when Wing came round and molested my dog. It has all the features I'd like on a camera, looks nice, works well and the upload time is amazing. It took only 20 seconds to upload 40 200k pics the other day. I love it so much. If you're looking for a new digital camera, I recommend it very highly.

Michelle pointed out to me the other day that we're currently in 2003. For some reason I was under the impression that this was 2004. I also found out that I got married in the year 2000, and not 2002 as I was under the impression. SO, Gordon, when I spoke to you the other day, it was meant to be 4 years this.. oh.. 3 year? Sh*t... I can't work it out. Damn, I fear divorce is imminent. Of course, I did recently have to ask if I was 28 or 27.. no, 27 or 26... damn it... f*ckers.....

Well, I'm going to start duplicating these blogs on my new site from today and then, if it's all working well, I'll set this place to forward to the new site from next week. Suwheeeeeeeeeeeat

I bet this picture is like porn to some people.

2003-08-31T08:47:00.000-07:00

Let's Get Physical
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst.Advertising : Reebok CyberRider

No, it's not an invitation for a fight and no, it's not an invitation for sex (yeah.. pull your cacks back up Peekers), let's talk about fitness. Michelle wants to get a Reebok step so I was looking at the Boots Wellbeing website. I found the step and then started checking out some of the other fitness equipment. After a bit of perusing I then visited the Reebok Fitness website. Was checking out some of the great exercise stuff they sell and stumbled upon this. It's a Reebok CyberRider. It's an exercise bike with gamepad buttons built in and an interface to connect it to the PC, PS1 or PS2. It's from Reebok so, it's not some cheap tacky piece of sh*t. It's primarily a proper cycle which you can use to exercise whilst playing a game. Alright, so, you're thinking, you could exercise on a normal exercise cycle and just hold the gamepad in your hands. Sure, that's true but the way this works is that the faster you pedal, the faster your car moves, thus, it makes you work harder on the bike. It directly transfers your speed to that of the vehicle you're racing, if you so wish. Sounds like a good laugh and works with certain games better than others but ultimately it's good exercise as well. No, I'm not planning to get one but I do think the idea is pretty cool. If you want one, John Lewis sell them and they cost around £299.

Alright Wing, go ahead, comment about how you cycle around everywhere.... scuzzy f*cker.

The Reeeeeeeeeeeeeebok CyberRider.

2003-08-30T08:09:00.000-07:00

Wing's Photo site
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst.Advertising : Bol.com

Oh, we discovered the other day that Wing looks like Gizmo, the Gremlin. Anyway, Wing's put up a photo gallery and has asked me to put a link up to it. Luckily (for me and you) there are no photos of myself up there but there are pictures of Wing and some of his fellow circus members. I recommend you check it out, you can find it here. I promise that you will laugh your arse off. In the meanwhile, here are some pics from his personal gallery.

Wing, when he was younger.

Wing's current love.

Wing's first girlfriend.

Wing now. This was taken last year.

Wing's adopted father.

Wing's older brother.

2003-08-30T07:52:00.000-07:00

Virus
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst.Advertising : Bol.com

Are virus writers cool? The underground 'Neo's' of real life, trying to f*ck with the system. Nah, they're generally intelligent guys (mainly) who most people wouldn't even piss on. They're not stupid, clearly they're not but it wouldn't surprise me if they're loners trying to be big and cool, and failing dismally.

Anyway, someone who has a couple of my e-mail address and I could probably figure out whom quite easily due to the e-mail addresses that the mails were sent to has a virus. That's one of you guys. Clear it dudes... I don't want that sh*t in my inbox. Well, I don't actually use either of those addresses anyway so it doesn't bother me too much. Get a virus scanner though, it's pretty much a necessity these days.

Anyway, my point is that the cocks that write viruses should get harsh sentencing. Virus writing is terrorism as far as I see it, net terrorism. People aren't killed but money is lost and a lot of regularly people who've done nothing wrong lose data or just get messed around for no good reason. It's no good saying, it's their own fault, they should have a virus scanner. A lot of people that use computers don't know too much about them, they just want to be able to use e-mail and surf the web. It's no use blaming Microsoft. If you write software, you'll know that it's not easy to write software with 0 holes in it and 0 bugs. Anyone that says that is an arrogant prick and/or full of sh*t. Writing a virus doesn't show us that Microsoft is sh*t, sure, some dumbasses jump onto the bandwagon and blame them for everything that is ever bad with computers. A system as big as Windows will have bugs. People think that only Windows and Microsoft e-mail clients have bugs. That's crap. Most software does have bugs people just choose to target Microsoft because they're a behemoth, they're known as 'the system' and some billy-no mates wants to impress the world by f*cking the sytem. Good luck f*cking the system behind metal bars whilst Big Al is buttraping you. Virus writing is malicious, wastes bandwith, costs money and hurts innocent people. The way I see it, a virus writer should get what he deserves on TV. Inject him with real worms, inject him with real viruses and let the f*cker see if his body is free from holes and bugs. Let's f*ck the system, his immune system. (BBC - I know you read this I saw you on the stats, you may wish to use this to improve Saturday night television.)

If you give a sh*t, you can read the BBC NOT PAID FOR BY MY LICENSE FEE BUT THROUGH ADVERTISING website's news article over here.

Loner or Boner? Loner.

2003-08-29T05:07:00.001-07:00

Nigel says
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst.Advertising : Bol.com

Dear All,

F*cking Road tax. Just paid it. £145 for the year. F*cking government.
F*cking Parking Fees. I pay road tax. Why do I have to pay to park on the roads. F*cking council. F*cking government.
F*cking Road tax. Just paid it. £145 for the year. F*cking government.
F*cking Tolls. If I drive into London, I pay £5 toll fee. F*cking Ken Livingstone. F*cking government.
F*cking transport ticket rises. We have to pay more to take an efficient system like the tube soon, because Ken Livingstone wants us to take buses instead. WHY? F*cking Ken Livingstone. F*cking Government.

F*cking Hutton Inquiry. Who gives a sh*t. We know Tony Blair is a c*nt, we know all politicians are liars. Why use our tax money to investigate what nobody gives a sh*t about. It won't change a thing. F*cking inquiries. F*cking Tony Blair. F*cking government.

F*cking Diane Investigation. She died six years ago. SIX YEARS AGO. What the hell is the point of investigating her death, with our tax money now? Will it resurrect her. NO. Do I care who was ultimately to blame? No. I don't know whose idea this inquiry was.. F*cking government.

F*cking petrol tax. In July 2000, 80% of the cost of petrol in the UK was tax. F*CKING HELL. DON'T WE PAY ENOUGH TAX ON CARS ALREADY. THINK ABOUT THE 17.5% I PAID WHEN I BOUGHT MY CAR. F*CKING GOVERNMENT. F * C K I N G G O V E R N M E N T.

F*cking TAX IN GENERAL. I work hard. I pay tax. I save money. I pay tax. I decide to use the money which I've earnt and paid tax on to buy a house. I pay stamp duty (1% of the cost of the house) as well as other fees. I move into the propery. I pay more tax, every month. AND WHERE DOES MY TAX GO? INTO F*CKING STUPID INQUIRIES. INTO PENSIONS FOR MPs THAT LOOK LIKE GNOMES. INTO CARS AND CHAUFFEURS AND FOOD AND SCHMOOZING FOR STUPID F*CKING POLITICANS WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO WORK SO MANY HOURS EVERY BLOODY WEEK AND SEE IT ALL DISAPPEAR BEFORE THEIR EYES. STUPID F*CKING POLITICIANS WHO ARE PAID SO MUCH MONEY (FROM OUR TAX) AND THUS CANNOT APPRECIATE THE AVERAGE PERSON'S PROBLEMS.

SO... IF by a strange miracle Osama Bin Laden is reading this. OSAMA. Use some f*cking intelligence you stupid c*nt. Next time you decided to hire some bonehead fanatics to fly a plane into a building. DON'T ATTACK THE INNOCENT PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. ATTACK THE POLITICIANS. It's those f*ckers that leech of the rest of us. Attack the c*nts that earn millions for kicking a football. I honestly cannot see many people who would cry if The Houses of Parliament went boom. OH.. Osama, after you're done with that, blow yourself up, you c*nt.

F*CK YOU ALL.

Love, Nigel.

2003-08-29T04:49:00.000-07:00

Wing says
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst.Advertising : Bol.com

Well... Peekers contributed a blog for me. Here is is in it's unedited, original state complete with spelling mistakes.

Toilets
Happiness Factor : Hungry. Like : I like it when i do a poop which requires no wipes Dislike : Wiping. Most Wanted : Toilet roll. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : www.playboy.com

Why is is when people take a s*it at work they can and do feel like they have the privalage of dumping over the entire bowl and not flushing ??

There is nothing worse then goign for your morning poo and finding a choclate submarine wating for you to flush away. Why can the muppets flush !!!

Isnt it great when you poop and it requires no wiping, that is so economical and enviromentally friendly.

Happy Dumping

2003-08-29T04:48:00.000-07:00

Ammar Says
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst.Advertising : Bol.com

Sometimes Ammar comes up with something which is simple, yet funny....

what is chips without fish?
what is chalk without cheese?
what is goldilocks without the three bears?
what is a redneck without a lumberjack shirt?
what is light without darkness?
what is wing without nigel?

2003-08-28T04:53:00.000-07:00

Email
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst.Advertising : Bol.com

E-mail is amazing, with one click we can communicate with friends all over the globe. Sadly, e-mail (along with texting) has contributed to the decline in grammar and spelling. People are now very happy to write 2 instead of two, or u instead of you. Ugh. However, e-mail has also made us lazy, instead of reading and checking, we type and hit send, and then think... sh*t.

A mail was sent around to the entire department in which I work by our team secretary. It was slightly light-hearted, requesting cables that we no longer require in return for chocolate bars. I get on quite well with the sender so I sent a response back relating to an ongoing joke between a few of us. The response was,

"How many choc bars if I let you lock Su*** in a cupboard?"

As soon as I'd hit send I then realised I'd accidentally previously clicked 'Reply To All', instead of Reply. Sh*t was the first word to pass through my head and then, Beep, BEEP, BEEEEEP all around me as every PC on our floor picks up the new mail. I then realised that the e-mail didn't just go to our department, it went to everyone except for 10 people, i.e. 200+ employees, managers, the lot. Thank God I wasn't lewd or vulgar in my e-mail.

Of course, it could have been worse, take the case of Claire Swires.

Is this the greatest ever email hoax?
By: Kieren McCarthy
Posted: 12/12/2000 at 13:17 GMT

The saga starts with a group email of a smutty joke:

"A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says: 'But sir, its just a sperm bank!' 'I don't care, open it now!' he orders. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says: 'Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!' She looks at him: 'BUT, they are sperm samples?' 'DO IT!' So the nurse sucks it back. 'That one there, drink that one as well', so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally, after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says: 'See honey - its not that hard.'"

A person on the list, one Bradley Chait, forwards the gag onto Claire with the message "cute".

Claire replies, touch in cheek: "Lucky I swallow, so that wont be happening to me!"

Bradley comes back to her: "Not ALL the time I hope (or so you would have me believe)"

Claire then makes the remark that was to turn her into a legendary figure: "I hadn't swallowed for years but yours was yum and very good for me too! Apparently it's very good conditioner for your hair too... getting a funny picture in my head, giggling out loud and now having to explain to Dave what's so funny!"

This was all supposedly a personal communication, but then Bradley - logically following man's intrinsic necessity to boast, forwards it - with the entire history - to six of his mates, with the message: "now THAT'S a nice compliment from a lass, isn't it?"

This is then emailed from one of Bradley's "mates" to 14 others with the catchline "beggars belief. I feel honour bound to circulate this". We can't be sure how much further the email is hoax and how much real forwarding from people to their friends. But nevertheless, before you knew it, the email was popping up all over the place and a worldwide hunt for Claire had begun.

We were a tiny bit suspicious that only Bradley's email address had appeared in the bottom half of the email and decided to call the law firm that Bradley works for - Norton Rose in the City of London - to see what we could find out. Even the receptionist knew what was going on. Does a Claire Swire work there? We asked. "We've been hearing quite a lot about Claire today," she told us. "But as yet we have no idea or recollection of who she is." Does Bradley Chait work there? "Yes." Can you put us through to him?

And so Bradley answers the phone. "Is that Bradley Chait?" "Could be, why?" We tell him we're from The Reg and ask him about the email. Wearily, he tells us: "It's a hoax. A very good one though, I have to admit." Does he know who set him up? "No. But then I wouldn't put it past any of the boys here - I've just started, you see."

And there you have it - possible the greatest ever new-boy practical joke, using the modern medium of email. Bradley has been completely inundated with emails - god only knows what most of them said. It was possibly the need to delete them all that led to him making his excuses and hanging up.

Unfortunately, we didn't have time to ask him if he actually knew a Claire Swire and the search seems to be going on, but it seems possible that the prankster that set up Bradley also thought he'd have a go at Claire while there. Jilted lover? Practical-joke making friend? Who knows?

Taken from The Register

Well, sadly for poor old Claire, it wasn't a hoax...

Yummy Claire: we try to clear up this mess
By: Kieren McCarthy
Posted: 14/12/2000 at 15:40 GMT

Well, good lord, the Great Claire Debate of 2000 (see: Is this the greatest ever email hoax?). We spent most of yesterday trying to get to the bottom of the whole affair while being continually bombarded with sightings, extra "info", outright lies and accusations of stupidity. You, the readers, provided us with just over 400 emails, 30 of whom claimed to be from Claire and five of which were useful. But thanks anyway.

The story so far - an email conversation, supposedly between one Bradley Chait, employee of London law firm Norton Rose, and Claire Swire, discussing their sex life, is forwarded round the world. Claire apparently thought Bradley's cum was 'yum'. He told the Reg it was all a hoax and he'd been set up.

This is what's happening now.

Formal disciplinary action was started against Bradley Chait yesterday by Norton Rose and will take a few days. He has been banned from talking to the media, so we can't ask him about it either.

We had a chat with the Norton Rose spokeswoman, Andrea Turrell, expressing sympathy for ole Bradley. She wasn't to be drawn, saying she had no personal feelings about the case, but did point out that the email has by now been all over the world with Norton Rose's name plastered over it. We can see how having a serious law firm connected with blow jobs is not ideal.

As for Claire: we know she is not happy about what has happened. We tracked down her employer, who's not happy either.

So, sadly, what was a frankly hilarious episode is now getting serious.

Somewhat ironically as well, The Times has run a feature today entitled "Warning: an email could seriously harm your career". In it, the head of graduate recruitment for KPMG, spells out the stance that has been the undoing of two, now infamous, people. "It is against our culture for staff to email any kind of abusive or pornographic material - Anyone breaking our code of conduct would be dealt with very seriously and may even lose their job," said Keith Dugdale.

So there you have it - be careful out there folks. Or simply refrain from discussing the full-bodied qualities of semen until you're down the pub.

BTW this whole affair has created enough stories for a small book, but two of our favourites are: the army officer in Kosovo who has used all his contacts and satellite phone to try to reach Claire, and the fact that several offices have sent (presumably graphic) Christmas cards to one Claire's address. It certainly sparked some form of creativity as men all over the country tried to locate their own "Claire" before the office party on Friday.

And finally Norton Rose have issued a press statement concerning email abuse. You can read it on its Web site. Could this company be related to the Norton Rose that told the BBC that few companies spent any time telling employees what their obligations (on sending emails)are? We think we should be told.

Taken from The Register

OR!!!! The Bonking Banker...

Emailing banker bonks his Korean chickies
By Tim Richardson
Posted: 23/05/2001 at 15:40 GMT

A City financier from London has resigned after a sexually explicit email charting his sexpolits in Korea was forwarded around the world.

Mirroring events that turned "yummy" Claire Swires into a household name overnight, Peter Chung's email was so entertaining his friends forwarded it on their friends...and so on.

That was a week ago. Since then, countless people have read - and forwarded - the email to the acute embarrassment of stiff-shirted financial outfit, The Carlyle Group.

Chung has since resigned - but not before boasting to pals how he is going to "f@*k every hot chick in Korea over the next 2 years" and how he was "a stud in NYC".

Anyhow, you don't need El Reg to bang on about this anymore. You know exactly what the crack is.

The only thing I'd add is some of the comments that have attached themselves to the email as it's spun its way around the world. Things like "absolute wanker banker", "what a complete knob" and "jackass" are typical of the contempt people hold for this individual.

Enjoy.

The Email that started it all

Subject: LIVING LIKE A KING
Date: Tue, 15 May 2001 17:26:21 -0700

So I've been in Korea for about a week and a half now and what can I say, LIFE IS GOOD....I've got a spanking brand new 2000 sq. foot 3 bedroom apt. with a 200 sq. foot terrace running the entire length of my apartment with a view overlooking Korea's main river and nightline......Why do I need 3 bedrooms? Good question,...the main bedroom is for my queen size bed,...where CHUNG is going to f@*k every hot chick in Korea over the next 2 years (5 down, 1,000,000,000 left to go).... the second bedroom is for my harem of chickies, and the third bedroom is for all of you f@*kers when you come out to visit my ass in Korea. I go out to Korea's finest clubs, bars and lounges pretty much every other night on the weekdays and everyday on the weekends to (I think in about 2 months, after I learn a little bit of the buyside business I'll probably go out every night on the weekdays).

I know I was a stud in NYC but I pretty much get about, on average, 5-8 phone numbers a night and at least 3 hot chicks that say that they want to go home with me every night I go out. I love the buyside,.... I have bankers calling me everyday with opportunties and they pretty much cater to my every whim - you know (golfing events, lavish dinners, a night out clubbing). The guys I work with are also all chilll - I live in the same apt building as my VP and he drives me around in his Porsche (1 of 3 in all of Korea) to work and when we go out. What can I say,.... live is good,... CHUNG is KING of his domain here in Seoul.....

So,.... all of you f*@kers better keep in touch and start making plans to come out and visit my ass ASAP, I'll show you guys an unbelievable time....My contact info is below....Oh, by the way,... someone's gotta start fedexing me boxes of domes,...I brought out about 40 but I think I'll run out of them by Saturday.....

Laters,

CHUNG

Peter Chung
The Carlyle Group

Taken from The Register

or THIS numbnut....

Claire Swires MK II: Man suspended over sex boast email
By Tim Richardson
Posted: 04/10/2002 at 09:00 GMT

A bank worker has been suspended from his job in the City after he sent an email to friends boasting about a chance sexual encounter while watching football on the telly,

Trevor Luxton, who works as a clerk at Credit Lyonnais, sent the email to five friends on Wednesday morning. Within hours it had been forwarded around the world making it the latest example of a private email being made public.

If you haven't seen it, the text of the email reads:

"Last night I was all geared up for a night in front of the telly watching football, having a ruby and a couple of beers while Jo's still away. Suddenly I get a text from Laura my mates ex which says I'm coming round because I need to see you.

So she comes round and we get chatting about all sorts of stuff and then we start kissing a fondling (as you do). Then I find my self sitting in the arm chair with a beer in one hand remote in the other, West ham on the box and Laura on her knees sucking my piece

Then the phone rings and it's Jo who was bored at the airport...

So now I've got my beer, Laura sucking and Jo chatting to me on the dog when Laura stops sucking looks up at me winks and whispers "say hello to Jo for me" and then gets back to the job in hand...

Am I the worst boyfriend in the world or what?????"

Now, there is only one thing that is shocking about this incident. It's not the fact he wrote it and sent it in the first place; nor is it that one of his friends decided to forward it on to someone else.

Even the comments that became attached to the email can be forgiven. Comments like: "think we should get this dirty love rat in as much trouble as possible" and "LETS GET THIS TWO TIMING *RSE HOLE IN TROUBLE.....SEND THIS TO EVERY ONE YOU KNOW WHO WORKS IN THE CITY AND HOPEFULLY IT WILL GET BACK TO HIS BIRD!!!!! I LOVE BEING EVIL!!!!".

No, the truly shocking thing about this email hysteria and public humiliation is that this kind of thing doesn't happen more often

Taken from The Register

And Finally, who could forget poor old Jim's e-mail blunder in the original American Pie. Now THAT would be embarassing.

2003-08-27T13:24:00.000-07:00

BOL
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

If you enjoy reading and live in the UK this may be of interest to you. BOL.com are a company who sell new books at roughly a 60% discount. I've bought from them before and they're pretty good. Membership is free and your first order is discounted or something similar. You must then buy at least 1 one other book from them. The books however are ridiculously cheap (and not substandard). For example, a book I recently read, 'The Lovely Bones' by Alice Sebold costs £2.79 there and retails for £6.99. Postage is £1 for 1 book, £2 for 2 books and free otherwise. If you know of any similar places (books, CDs DVDs etc..) in your country, add them to the comments for others to see.

http://www.uk.bol.com/

Damnit... I have the hiccups....

2003-08-27T13:09:00.000-07:00

How Clean is your house?
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

There's a program shown in England about two ladies that visit people's houses and clean it for them. Sounds boring doesn't it? Well, I saw it for the first time yesterday and ended up watching the entire programme. It's strangely appealing due to the fact that the people they visit are some of the most digusting people to ever have graced UK television. In all seriousness, if you are about to eat food (or plan to eat food at all today or ever again), do not read on.

The ladies visited the house of a (roughly 28 year old) bachelor (unsurprising). On the surface the house looked absolutely sickening. Sadly, as they dug deeper, it was worse than first appearances showed. The guy literally lived in rubbish. He'd eat and not put his junk in the bin, he'd just leave it on the floor. The amount of old containers filled with left over food and mould amazed me. He'd cook (surprisingly) and never wash up. They showed a tray on which he'd made mashed potatoes, he'd left it so long that the dirty tray had grown mould on. He'd shave in his bedroom. Strange but ... alright. No, not alright. He didn't shave into the bin, he'd just shave, letting his hair fall onto the floor. He'd even shaved his head and let the hair just fall onto the floor. His bedroom was like a pigsty. Literally, rubbish, clothes, food cartons all over the place. The fact that he could sleep amongst that amazed me. The entire carpets were stained with dirt and cat hair was deeply knotted into the rugs. The man seemed to have never dusted the place. The toilet was disgusting, the toilet brush was covered with faeces and he'd p*ssed all over the thing and never washed it. The sink and taps had never been cleaned and had even formed calcium on them.

The fact that he wasn't dead, amazed me. In a dusty house, imagine the crap you're breathing in! Insect traps were left around the house by the cleaners. The types of insects that were attracted were vomit inducing, to say the least. The guy had a pet cat. The cat litter tray was left in the kitchen, right beside the fridge. I get the feeling that a lot of people do this which is strange. Most humans wouldn't piss in the kitchen, why let your cat do that? They showed how the cat would slash, then stand in it, jump on the kitchen worktops, into the sink etc... Ugh... I don't care how clean cats are, it's still disgusting. The state of the cooker was absolutely foul. How a human could cook on that is beyond me. His freezer was full of ice. A small freezer, literally full of ice. LITERALLY. He'd smacked a little nook into the ice to force in a pack of vegetables! And the fridge was almost bare except for old food he'd never thrown out. The programme was filmed sometime in 2004. The eggs inside the fridge were best before 2002. They must have stunk. When the cleaners broke the egg, the yoke was a reddish brown and had formed into a weird rubbery looking .... gunk. I have no words to describe it, but I can honestly say it is one of the most digusting things I have ever seen.

I can understand that it's hard to find the time or the inclination to clean but, even after a week, hell, after a few days, the dust shows. The thought of going a a week without disgusting and cleaning amazes me. The thought of going a month repels me. The thought of never ever cleaning sickens me. That guy must never ever have had a female over. I'm sure that any female, hell, any human taken into that place would vomit and walk off. Still the visit, humiliation and lessons taught by those ladies 'seemed' to have paid off. Two weeks later he'd managed to keep the house spotless. My mum informs me that that was relatively tame in comparison. People had previously been cooking food in a grill that was covered with an inch of fat.

If you're interested in watching it, the programme is called, 'How Clean is Your House?' and is show on Channel 4 in the UK.

2003-08-27T12:49:00.000-07:00

C*nt Features
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

is going on holiday for two weeks... WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!

2003-08-27T12:48:00.000-07:00

Little Lights
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Off and on I see little lights. I'm staring at the monitor and I'll see something out of the corner of my eye, look where it was and see nothing there. I'm seeing little lights. Ammario pointed out that I may have glaucoma (not to frighten me!!!). Hopefully i don't. Going blind would really suck. When I went to the opticians for my last check, at the end of the exam she asked if I ever see flashing lights. I said yes, so she said okay, everything's fine. What a professional.

2003-08-27T04:24:00.000-07:00

Peanut Butter
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

is so f*cking boring...

2003-08-26T04:56:00.000-07:00

Fancy John and the Cub Scouts
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Fancy John and the Cub Scouts

One hot sunny day, Fancy Jon was sitting on a fancy fishing stool in the middle of a fancy forest. Dressed in his usual attire of fancy pink sneakers, fancy white denim jeans and fancy sweatshirt (emblazoned with a big GAP logo) Jon was busy looking at the wildlife and masturbating. Jon liked to pretend he was Jack from Television's 'Will & Grace'. He smiled as he remembered the countless times when his brother had invited him out but he'd declined on account of the Will & Grace reruns and marathons being on.

Anyway, on this particular fancy day in Fancy Jon's fancy life, cub scouts suddenly entered the fancy forest. Jon blinked and then squirted on his fancy pants. 'Oh dag,' said Jon and then wiped up the mess with his hands before licking them clean. 'Mmmm, Salty,' said Jon. Jon sat and watched as the cub scouts pitched their tents and did other cub scout stuff such as eating tins and beating each other over the heads with pots.

As the evening grew nearer, Jon had spent 23 times whilst looking at the cub scouts. All of a sudden, Indecisive Ammar, ex-scoutmaster and the oldest of the cub scouts decided to go for a wander. Indecisive Ammar, so-called because he was indecisive decided, indecisively to go for a walk. Indecisive Ammar, couldn't quite figure out which path to take. So, he sat and deliberated. 8 days later, Indecisive Ammar had almost figured out a path and then changed his mind. After much more contemplating, Indecisive Ammar walked towards Fancy Jon, who was now covered in jizz juice. 'Hello' said Indecisive Ammar, Jon squirted. 'Oooohh,' said Indecisive Ammar. 'Uhhhhhhhhhhh' said Fancy Jon. 'I like cub scouts' said Fancy Jon, his mouth watering. 'I like jizz juice' said Indecisive Ammar, his mouth watering. I wonder if I should have some or not. 10 days later Ammar still hadn't decided. Fancy Jon had now squirted on Indecisive Ammar 158 times. Just as he was about to decide a big bear turned up. The bear looked at each of the morons in turn. He looked at Ammar and growled, 'You're comments are so incredibly shit that they don't even justify pissing on. GRRRR' He looked at Fancy Jon and said, 'Your comments are lame, they used to be funny. GRRRR,' and with one swing off his paw knocked both their heads off.

The End.

2003-08-26T04:49:00.000-07:00

Singing Crickets, prostitutes and a vasectomy
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

According to Annanova....

Chinese cafe says singing cricket is a big draw

A cafe in China claims to have a singing cricket as a regular performer.

The South China Morning Post newspaper quotes the state-run Xinhua news agency as saying the cricket is the the major attraction in the cafe in Haining.

It says the cricket does requests from customers and has a large repertoire of songs.

The paper says the creature is particularly good at singing songs by Chinese artist Faye Wong.

The cafe is said to have been "packed out" since the cricket started performing two weeks ago.

Binmen sacked for sex with prostitute in rubbish truck

Two binmen in the US have been sacked for having sex with a prostitute in a rubbish truck.

The men, who worked for the council in Rochester, New York state, had sex with the woman on August 5 while they were on duty.

One of the men was a full-time employee, while the other was a seasonal worker, reports the Democrat and Chronicle.

Rochester Mayor William A Johnson Jr, said: "During the course of an investigation, it's my understanding that one of the men admitted to what happened."

The men had been reported to council management by a member of the public who said he saw the incident.

Johnson, who didn't know the identity of the two workers, said their actions wouldn't be tolerated. "This is a very difficult thing to do because the men had families but we can't condone this type of behaviour. This was probably the most expensive sex act that they've ever committed."

Brazilian given vasectomy ' for earache'

A Brazilian who went to a surgery complaining of earache is suing doctors after they performed a vasectomy on him instead.

Valdemar Lopes de Moraes, 39, went to his local surgery in Montes Claros and told the receptionist he had been feeling pain in the ear for days.

On the same day there was a vasectomy scheduled for a man called Aldemar Rodrigues, 29 and when the receptionist called "Aldemar", Valdemar thought he was being called and went in.

Doctor Luiz Carlos Lenoir told Estado de Sao Paulo newspaper that he was a bit surprised when he saw his patient had not been shaved but nothing else was said and he carried on with the surgery.

Mr Moraes said: "I thought my earache had turned into something more serious and had descended to my genitals, that is why I didn't say anything."

The hospital will perform another surgery at Mr Moraes to reverse the vasectomy next week.

Mr Moraes said: "I don't care about the vasectomy I already have two sons. What I really want is that they cure this earache that is killing me."

The local health secretary said the case was still being investigated.

Man questioned after kitten's head bitten off

A man who allegedly bit the head off a kitten in front a party of children has been arrested, confirm police.

Detectives in Llanelli launched an inquiry when a woman reported witnessing the act and claiming it had made her physically sick.

The alleged incident took place at a barbecue at Heol Tregonning, Llanelli, south Wales on Saturday.

Children reportedly screamed in shock as a gatecrasher to the barbecue allegedly ripped off the kitten's head with his teeth.

RSPCA officials denounced the act as "sickening and depraved" and promised to do everything to catch the person responsible.

A Dyfed Powys police spokesman: "A 32-year-old local man has been arrested and granted bail pending further inquiries."

Stripper accused of squirting breast milk won't be charged

US authorities have decided against charging a stripper with assault after she allegedly squirted breast milk in a customer's face.

The 20-year-old denied the man's claim she squeezed her breasts and squirted him with milk during a lap dance at a club in Jackson, Michigan.

She claimed that he had grabbed her breast as she performed the dance at the city's School House club.

"We looked at the report and, based on the evidence, we don't believe we could obtain a guilty verdict beyond a reasonable doubt," Julius Giglio, city attorney, told the Jackson Citizen Patriot.

The dancer, who told police she had recently had a child, said milk never squirted from her breast or struck the man in the face.

But she told police that milk may have dripped during the dance or when he grabbed her breast.

The man complained to a club manager, who offered free soft drinks and passes to the club. The man declined the offers, left the club and filed a police report a short time later.

The dancer, who still works at the club, never filed a complaint with police, but her claims were included in a report to the city attorney, Deputy Police Chief Matt Heins said.

And finally... for those of you that never saw the story before.. here it is again...along with pictures of Geoffrey and Gordon as kids.

Celebration burgers for child wrestlers

A Georgian child who has found international fame after being matched with another giant youngster for a wrestling contest, has celebrated his fifth birthday in McDonald's. Georgy Bibilauri, who is 4ft and weighs eight stone, posed for photographers as he tucked into a burger, fries, chocolate ice cream and fizzy drinks at the Tblisi branch of the chain. The celebration meal followed his one-off bout with Russian Dzhambulat Khotokhov. According to organisers, Khotokhov is the world's largest four-year-old - weighing eight stone 11 pounds. The wrestling match ended in a draw, and the boys say they have now become friends after spending the day with each other.

2003-08-26T04:14:00.000-07:00

Sowfeeee
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Sowfee left some comments on the Dreams blog. I just re-visited her blog. I'm not entirely sure why I'm linking her site. It's so .... bad/f*cked up/weird that I feel the need to regularly visit it. I think Sowfee will be commited to a mental asylum very soon. Before she does, you may wish to visit her site. (Peekers.. you'll like it)

2003-08-25T01:26:00.000-07:00

Dreams
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Someguy getting his leg humped by a dog. Stiffler in some martial arts film playing 3 different parts including a country boy. What the f*ck is wrong with me. Shouldn't have eaten cheese last night, I think.

2003-08-25T01:16:00.000-07:00

DigiGuide
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

A few years ago I found an application called DigiGuide. If you have cable/digital TV it's very good. It's an application which sits locally on your computer and downloads programme information for the channels you select, via the web. It's similar to a TV guide but much more powerful since it's software. It normally stores about 3 weeks in advance worth of schedules and has a very powerful search engine. Subscription was only £5 a year when I subscribed.

www.digiguide.com

2003-08-25T01:13:00.000-07:00

2003-08-24T08:11:00.000-07:00

SuperSized Fonts
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

A while back I had a strange issue with Internet Explorer where all the fonts where larger than normal. Whilst working on the stylesheets today I encountered the same problem. I was updating them and then cleared the browser cache at which point the fonts on screen all increased in size. I just figured that was because deleting the cache deleted the current style sheet. Strange but okay. However, when I went reloaded the site, the fonts still remained large. Anyway, after playing with the style sheets and then tried a different page. I realised I hadn't messed up but, it was an IE problem. After looking around on the net, I found the solution. If you have a scroll-wheel mouse, hold down 'Control' and scroll the mouse up and down. This increases and decreases the fonts. That managed to solve my problem. Of course, the fact is it increased after I deleted my cache so, maybe this is a weird bug in Internet Explorer.

2003-08-24T02:27:00.000-07:00

Moving Home
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

I've been playing with Moveable Type quite a bit of recent. With some help from Geoffrey, I managed to get a basic version configured on my server. I did tell my hosts that I was an idiot and requested that they set it up but they requested that I attempt it. Was a lot easier than I though, just takes a little thinking is all. :) I've been playing with the stylesheets and templates that they provide and am actually learning a lot of stuff I never knew before. I was going to get back into playing with PhotoShop to get some nice images but then figured that, for a blog, it's all too tacky and distracting. Some blogs I've visited have a nice image or light background or side image. They look quite professional. Others are plain and simple and again, profession and easy to read. Some however have a large background image which hasn't been faded. This just makes it too hard to read the actual blog and I don't bother visiting again. Well, I think I'm almost done playing with the design. Now I just need to understand all the functionality that is provided for blogging and then.... I can move home. :)

2003-08-24T02:22:00.000-07:00

Mong
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

I have previously mentioned the stupidity of my neighbour. I have also mentioned that her daughter is a freaky little bitch that came straight from hell. Her boyfriend is also a mong. It's Sunday morning. Thankfully I was up at 9am. Mong decides to start hammering and drilling away at 9:15am. I mean, really, most people with an ounce of intelligence don't drill and hammer at 9:15 on a Sunday morning. What a mong...

2003-08-23T08:41:00.000-07:00

TV License
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Currently, in the UK, we pay a 'tax' to watch television. The costing is £116 per year to watch colour television. Some or all of this money is used to help fund the BBC. As the BBC expanded into digital television, the cost to the license payer increased. The government and the tv license organisation tries to convince us that the license is for watching television and not for watching the BBC, however, the money goes ONLY to the BBC, not to other rival channels who make their money via advertisements.

The BBC DOES represent good value for money to those who choose to watch it. The license fee, (acccording to the BBC website) provides eight television channels, 10 radio stations, various local BBC services, news etc... However, for those of us who find nothing of interest on these channels, it is an expensive tax with no benefits. Nobody expects me to pay for cable television if I choose not to watch it, so, why should I have to pay for this?

There wasn't much choice before but now, with digital television, the average UK house can pay to receive over 100 channels (of crap). Personally, I watch BBC television channels, in my house, on average of 10 - 15 hours per year. That is, I feel a fairly honest estimate. I don't watch many television programmes, I prefer films, and when I do watch television, the BBC isn't something I generally choose to watch. This being the case, why should I have to pay £116 a year to fund this? There's plenty of other channels out there, the BBC should compete commerically in the same way that the other 100+ channels do. The fact that they receive this guaranteed income gives them an unfair commercial advantage over ever other TV channel. I pay for satellite television. Satellite gives me various packages from which to choose, this being the case it is theoretically very easy to subscribe to a package that does not include the BBC television channels. If I wish to watch the movie channels, I pay an extra amount for this, if I want sport, I pay for that. As such, if I wanted to watch BBC channels I should be given the option to pay for this or to not receive it at all.

The point is, the TV License is not a license to watch television, it is a means of funding the BBC. As such, this is an unfair tax.

2003-08-22T04:09:00.002-07:00

Mobile
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Following up from my blog about five year old's with mobile phones, I read this article today on the BBC news website.

Five-year-olds given mobiles

Research by marketing consultancy reveals that one in nine five to nine-year-olds has a mobile.

It predicts that this will rise to one in five by 2006, making this the fastest expanding group of mobile phone users.

A major report on mobile phone safety says that while there is no evidence that they are harmful, children should minimise their use of mobiles as a "precaution".

This is because their brains are still developing and their skulls are thinner, making it easier for mobile phone radiowaves to penetrate them.

Mobile phone companies say they do not target under-16s, although some accessories such as fascias and ringtones are designed to appeal to younger children.

Cautious

Many of the phones are paid for as a safety measure so that the child always has a means of contacting a parent in an emergency.

In the year 2000, according to the mobileYouth researchers, fewer than 80,000 five to nine-year-olds owned a mobile.

This year, that had risen to 400,000.

No marketing

Josh Dhaliwal, an executive partner at mobileYouth, told BBC News Online: "I don't think that the industry is actively marketing mobile phones at young children. It would be unethical.

"This has become the fastest growing sector of the mobile phone market without any help from advertising.

"Pester power is starting to increase in that age group as children see that their friends have a mobile phone."

Professor Colin Blakemore, from the University of Oxford, who studies the effects of mobile phone radiation, said that parents should be very cautious about letting very young children use mobile phones.

He told the BBC: "There is no proven heath risk from the use of mobile phones at present.

In general we take a precautionary approach because it's new technology and the science is still developing.

"We have to be particularly cautious about children - if there are any effects they would be more exaggerated in young children than in adults."

He said that children should keep use to a minimum, and if possible use text messages rather than spoken conversations, as this would reduce the amount of exposure to radiowaves considerably.

Click here to see the actual article

2003-08-22T04:09:00.000-07:00

Seeing is believing
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

I realised today that I generally see that bad in people, and not the good. Well, that isn't strictly true, I give everyone a fair chance, then they f*ck up. If I liked them before they f*cked up it doesn't bother me too much. If I had no opinion, from then on, they're just an asshole as far as I'm concerned.... generally.

Don't give people the benefit of the doubt, treat everyone with contempt. People piss me off real easily, I need anger management classes.

The end.

2003-08-21T23:49:00.000-07:00

Dougal
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead. Dougal is a sh*thead.

2003-08-21T23:45:00.000-07:00

Christina Aguileara
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

There was a Christina Aguilera song on the radio this morning. Michelle asked which one it was. I said, it's the one where she was around looking like a slag. I realised that I should choose my words in future and be more careful what I say. I mean, that's most of her videos, next time I will clarify.

Alright, that's not a nice thing to say but, really, it's true. Her style may look sexy to a certain degree on a few people but that girl is just so disgusting to look at. It's the complete opposite of sexy.

2003-08-21T17:05:00.000-07:00

Once again, the time is...
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

1 a.m.

2003-08-21T05:59:00.001-07:00

Congratulations
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Awwww, after my friend at work just got engaged, another 2 Australians, my cousin, Fritz and his lovely girlfriend, Amber just got engaged as well. Must be an Australian thing. Maybe the whole of Australia is planning to get married, I mean, my other cousin, Donn is about to marry his girlfriend, Gezz. F*ck me... that's it.. every single Australian is marrying their girlfriend. What's going on? What is the Fosters and XXXX nation really up to???

Well.. you know I love you guys... good luck to all of you, I know you don't need it. ;)

2003-08-21T05:59:00.000-07:00

Parental Guidance
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Just went out to Pizza Hut for lunch, with Michelle. I hate f*cking rat kids. No.. it's the parents I hate. If you have kids, control them. Kids will be kids... yeah.. that's the easy argument, the sensible one is, teach them how to behave in public. If you have kids, when you're at a restaurant (or Pizza Hut :D) make sure your kids remain in their seat. Don't let the little f*ckers wander around the restaurant like deranged lunatics. That's what mental asylums are for. When I'm returning to my seat with a hot pizza and there's a kid wandering around with his shirt over his head, I want to smack him out of the way or at least trip him over. Badly behaved spoilt kids p*ss me off.

And why do so many 5 year olds have mobile (cell) phones. They don't need them. Parents that give phones to their kids are irresponsible. The kids have no concept of what is important in life, you parents just give them everything they want, they don't understand the value of money. The kids don't need phones, you know why? Because 5 year olds shouldn't be wandering around on their own. You should know they're safe because you should know that they're at home. When parents like that let their kids wander the streets, is it any wonder that sick b*stards abduct them? I'm not in any way justifying the behaviour of these sick freaks, what I am saying is, keep better control of your children and teach them how to behave. It's no wonder Britain has so many thugs and pregnant 15 year olds on the street when parenting is so non-existant in society today.

2003-08-21T05:47:00.000-07:00

Passing Out
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

I watched Evil Woman yesterday, a lame film with Jason Biggs. Nowadays, everytime I watch a film that finishes past 9 I pass out. Yesterday though, despite feeling tired at 8:45, I managed to stay up until... right near the end and passed out. So damn, I watched the entire crappy movie and then miss the last five minutes. Everytime I watch a film at around this time, it happens. I then wake up, piss and poop, go upstairs and... no, I don't go to sleep, that's the smart thing to do, I go to the computer. I down at around midnight and rise at 6:15.

Before you f*ckers say it.. no, it's not old age. B*stards.

Toby Studabaker (a.k.a Gordon) is being flown over to England for his trial (the marine who 'kidnapped' a (stupid) young girl. So that's where he's been. Geoffrey said he was spending time with his family. I didn't realise it may be his last few days before jail. Maybe whilst Gordy's in court I'll go visit him.

2003-08-20T07:59:00.000-07:00

Office Cluedo
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

I came up with a new team-building game yesterday. I have yet to suggest it to the powers that be in our company. Office Cluedo. Basically, each member of our team is given a weapon. The lights are then turned off and one team member is removed. Unfortunately, due to the fact that nobody likes him, it would be impossible to work out who actually did kill c*nt features, since everyone has a million motives.

Speaking of Cluedo (Clue), what doesn't make sense is this. As well as the candle stick and lead piping, there is a revolver, a dagger and some poison. If the rope, dagger, revolver or poison is used, it's pretty obvious. It doesn't need some great mind to work it out so, why do we have to ask questions for that part?

Suggest office cluedo to your employers, I'm sure there's at least one person you would love to eliminate from your workgroup.

2003-08-20T05:02:00.000-07:00

The (not so) Secret Diary Wing Chu - Aged 30.
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

If Pikachu could write... this is what he'd write....

My brother was being unusually nice to me last night. He said that he was going to take me out to buy me a birthday presnet today. this is odd since my birthday is not until .. next year some time. he not got me present this yera though so i was happy.

i went to bed and dreamt that i was superman. in the dream i flew over cities spraying spunk all over the place. i was just like a one man snow storm. this morning trusky woke me up by licking my face. trace is still in spain on holiday with some horny chicks so i let trusky go under the covers and lick on my balls. trusky yelped when i jizzed in his face.

my brother told me to come out for the breakfast he'd made me. i went out and nromally he'd tell me to put pants on but today he was nice to me and didn;'t hit me. I ate 5 boiled eggs, 6 pieces of toast (soldiers) and 2 bowls of cereal. I belched lots. he then gave me some left over kfc to eat and I ate that too. and then it was present time.

he siad that he wud drive me to a special place. I was so excited I almost ejac.. eejacula. ajacul... spunked in my pants. he, i and truskydog got in the car. he then took me to a roundabout and spun the car round and round and round and roudn until i vomited. He got out and walked off leaving me there sitting in a pile of vomit in my own car. trusky bounded into the front seat and started licking it up. i hit him on the nose. and he yelped. there was no way he was having those chicken pieces. they still looked good.

2003-08-20T04:38:00.000-07:00

Damned E4
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Turns out that LapDance Island was a spoof thing E4 were/are doing. B*stards. That sounded really good. Maybe they can just show 40 girls trying to become lapdancers or porn stars. Yeah.. that'd be better.

David Blaine's next stunt will be in London. He plans to live in a plexi-glass box for 44 days without food or water. I think I'll go to see him early on in the stunt before he dies.

2003-08-20T04:35:00.000-07:00

Shooting TV Programmes
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

It is a well known fact that Elvis Presley used to shoot the tv when someone he didn't like was on. Imagine if we had the power to take that a step further. If we were able to shoot all the talentless and/or annoying actors/actresses/musicians/presenters/disk jockeys (etc...) that p*ssed us off would TV's output be better or non-existant?

So, if it's not bad enough that I have to pay tax when I buy a car, pay road tax, pay fuel tax, pay to travel into London, the mayor of London, Ken Livingstone has come up with a brighter plan. Well, Kenny wants us to take public transport instead of our cars. Alright. We figured that out but the transport system is sh*t and too expensive. So, he has another idea. Increase the cost of tube tickets within London by 80%. He figures that we should take the bus (which aids congestion and pollution) rather than the tube (which travels underneath the city and cause zero congestion). The silly c*nt has a new concept where we don't pay on the bus, we pay before we board by buying a ticket. Now, if I have to take a bus, when I see it I want to get on, not faff about paying for a ticket before boarding. Buses don't turn up as often as tubes and, as such, this scheme is sh*te. The man is a f*cking idiot. Guy Fawkes, please come back, blow up all these people in parliament and ... f*ck it.. all politicians... take them all. They're all f*cking stupid b*stards.

Another thing, people choose to go into parliament. They are well paid at around £40,000 for the lowest, so why should our taxes pay for their £40,000 per year (minimum) pension. That's not on. People in parliament shouldn't be paid at all. Maybe then the system would be better, we'd have people who want to make things better, who can identify with the poor and not drive 2 jaguars have a mansion and a guaranteed 40k pension (MINIMUM) for life.

W*nkers.

2003-08-19T14:03:00.000-07:00

Lost America
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Yesterday I bought a new digital camera. I'm happy! Well, it reminded me that I was meaning to put up this link for a long time. I found it on somebody other blog. The link goes to a site called Lost America, it's a series of (non nude) interesting photographs. I'd like to buy the book but, if you'd like to buy it for me. You CAN!

Lost America Photographs

2003-08-19T14:00:00.000-07:00

Reality TV
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

SO!!! Reality TV. Big Brother 4. Survivor. Castaway. Temptation Island. The Villa. Fear Factor. The list goes on and on and really, it all gets a bit boring after a while.

:(

Don't fear, the UK channel, E4 has come to the rescue. YES! The home to 24 hour Big Brother broadcasting now has a new 24 hour reality tv show. LapDance Island. Yeah. 10 guys and 40 girls. All the girls are lap dancers. The guys can look but cannot touch. Thing you can handle it?

Click here.

Forget it, Wing... you know just reading this made you jizz in your pants.

2003-08-19T08:37:00.000-07:00

Me
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Someone who I used to be friends with once said to me that I'm one of the most complex people she'd ever met. I was, apparently,the one person who she couldn't predict and would never completely understand.

She was right. I am, without a doubt, a multi-faceted person. I can be very straightforward or very complex. People can read me like a book or I can be completely unpredictable. Generally I am a nice person, generally, I am a good friend, generally I am a loyal friend and generally I am fun loving and fancy free. However, I do have a flip-side and I can be extremely nasty, extremely sharp-tongued and I can hurt a person very deeply with a few choice words. I can't think of many close friends that haven't experienced both sides of me.

Do I take pleasure in being nasty? I guess that sometimes I do. Later on though, I may feel pretty bad about myself and may really regret my actions. Often though, I don't. I'm not generally a nasty person, I'd like to think I'm a pretty fair person but, quite often, I get relatively defensive and I'll attack first and think later. If I do take pleasure in the situation, it's because I was hurt, intentionally or otherwise, and not because I'm out to hurt people for no reason.

Another close friend once told me that I have very high expectations of others. This is undoubtedly true. I usually give people a chance no matter what anyone else says about them but, if they let me down a few times then I'm likely to start to dislike them and be quite nasty towards them. I find myself not caring about what they say or how I talk to them and I can quite easily be vicious when a person doesn't deserve it.

I can be quite hard with friendships. I do put in a lot of effort but eventually, when the friendship grows stale, the other person doesn't make an effort or they've done something to really piss me off, I can change from being a nice guy to a real asshole. I can destroy the friendship as easily and as quickly as it was built and will sometimes do my best to do so. Maybe a year or two later, maybe even a few days, I'll really regret it. If I do regret it, I'll attempt to do something about it. Sometimes it's salvageable and sometimes it isn't.

To me, friendships come and go. I care very deeply about a person or not at all. I'll generally put a lot of effort into the friendship or distance myself from it. Most of the friendships that have died I don't care about. I can only think of one that I regret losing after a fight, and a couple that ended due to us drifting apart. I can also think of one close friendship that I almost lost recently due to a spat which, in hindsight was extremely stupid. That is one that I'm very glad was saved.

There are currently a handful of people in my life that I've known for a long time. Anyone I don't like or anyone that irritates me isn't in my life anymore. Those people will, I hope, stay in my life for a much longer time. I don't keep in contact with people I don't want to. If I don't strongly dislike the person, I won't be mean, I'll just push them away and ignore them until they get the picture.

So, the point of this blog was for me to try and get a better understanding of myself. I was thinking earlier about the various friendships that are no more and wondering whether that was down to me expecting too much, being too complex, being too quick to walk away etc... I have no idea. I think maybe it's a bit of both. A friendship is a two-sided thing. If it fails, it can never be completely down to one person. A friendship, like any relationship must be worked on by both people for it to survive. If it's not working, then there's always a reason for this. I DO expect a lot of my friends and I can be quite hard to understand but I think that I am a good friend. Maybe I am too quick to walk away sometimes and maybe I should be slower to react. I wish I were calmer, like some of my friends. Ultimately though I think I'm honest, honest to a point of destruction at times. Is that a failing? Maybe. Maybe not.

2003-08-19T05:01:00.001-07:00

Goddess of Hell.
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Been visiting LeeLee's blog. A friend (I presume) of hers has a blog entitled Goddess of Hell. I just took a look at it. Anyone who starts a blog with 'I have a major case of the craps.' deserves a link. Check it out, it's worth looking at.

http://goddessofhell.blogspot.com/

2003-08-19T04:49:00.000-07:00

Lunch.
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Went up for a p*ss then bumped into a friend as I came out of the toilets. Ended up having a chat with her. Was 12 when I started and it's now 12:45pm. Seeing as my manager walked past me, went to the high street and returned and I'm still chatting in the same spot, I reckon I only have 15 minutes of lunch left. Damn...

2003-08-18T13:15:00.000-07:00

My Car.
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Turns out that I've had my car for a year. Got a surprise present from the government today. A request for £145 to allow me to drive it. Thanks... c*nts. It's bad enough that I have to pay that as well as a huge sh*tload of tax when I buy the car. The fact that they now want to expand the additional tax for driving into certain parts of England is even more of a p*ss take. Oh.. and not forgetting the fuel prices. If I ever am unlucky enough to meet Tony Blair, I'd love to hurl a lump of cow sh*t at his head.

The good thing is that I've had the car, it's been washed once over the past year and it still looks relatively clean. God bless us all.

2003-08-18T04:29:00.000-07:00

Piracy and Cuckoo Boys.
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

According to the news report on London's Capital Radio, movie piracy has risen by 80%. Wow. That's a lot! Or is it? I was quite pleased when I heard that statistic and then had a little think. 80% of what? X. Unless we know what 'x' is, the statistic is useless. If 10 people were downloading movies via the internet last year, for example, then that statistic only means that 18 people are doing so this year. If it was 1000, 1800 are doing it now and so on. Okay, one can presume the figure is greater than 18 or 1800 but still a statistic on its own is useless. I'm sure if I gave enough of a sh*t I could find out the figures but, I don't.

I don't download movies from the internet because I can't be bothered. I'm pro-piracy though. I don't generally download music for the same reason. CD-Wow now sells current CDs for £8.99 as opposed to the £15 all the other shops charge. £8.99 is reasonable so I have problem paying for it. Unless you're desperate to buy a DVD the day it comes out, wait a few months and it drops from £19.99 down to as low as £7.99. The big music companies want to shut CD Wow down. CD Wow aren't breaking the law, they're breaking the music companies, laws. They sell us CDs destined for the asian market. The way I see it, if they can afford to sell a CD for £9 including postage from Hong Kong, and still make a profit let the other companies compete with that. At least they're selling legitimate CDs, DVDs etc. Surely that's better than losing money to piracy. Nah... greedy b*stards want to control everything. Another point this raises is that if the CD can be sold for £7.99 and a profit made, then, when sold at £19.99, the over-inflated pricing becomes amazingly clear.

The greed of the film and music companies is what has ultimately driven piracy. In the UK, tickets to see a movie are around £6 each. A heft percentage of that goes straight to the studios. If they want to drive out piracy they should a) drop the prices and b) bring movies out at the same time in the UK as in America. Yes, it is their product and they have the right to do with it what they see fit but many people don't care to be shat on, hence the piracy.

So, if next year I hear or read that piracy has gone up by 150%, I'll be very pleased. It isn't piracy that hinders future music and film production, it's the greed of the movie studios, record companies, actors, musicians etc... and now a vast number of people are saying to them, F*ck you all.

Just received an e-mail from the BBC and read their story regarding the 80% piracy figures. The same old 'money into the hands of criminals' stuff is in there. They also talk about the DVDs being low quality copies of T3, Tomb Raider 2 etc... Often people have taken a camcorder into the movie and recorded it that way. Customers then get ripped off when they buy these poor quality illegal copies. If you're stupid enough to buy a DVD from some guy on the streets and that movie isn't even available to buy in America as yet, you deserve nothing better than a sh*t quality copy, you're too stupid. The article also says that The British Film industry is going to try to help fight the battle against piracy. Why? I saw trailers for 3 British films, all of them looked like utter sh*te. The British Industry has nothing to worry about, nobody will want to pirate those pieces of crap. Unless the British film comes from Film Four (Bend it like Beckham/Full Monty) or Working Title (Four Weddings/Notting Hill etc...sadly dead now :() it's not worth watching.

When I randomly visit blogs, if the blogger has no comment facility, I generally don't bother coming back. If there is a comment facility I'll generally leave a one-word or (now longer - Sorry... LeeLee ;o)) comment. One particular blog that I visited had an extremely moronic article with such stupid arguments. I can't even remember what it was about now, so, I left him a two-word comment. CUCKOO CUCKOO. Well anyway, I received an e-mail from the blogger today.

----- Original Message -----
From:
To:
Sent: Sunday, August 17, 2003 5:33 PM
Subject: Nigel

It takes one to know one cuckoo boy. Don't waste my time.

Heh...Takes one to know one... ahhhh.. the classic child's playground argument. Now, why would someone that didn't want me to waste their time, waste their time by telling me not to waste their time? I think they'd like me to waste their time...the playground way. If you'd like to waste their time too, feel free to mail them 72 font sized bold CUCKOO CUCKOO messages. BUT, don't do it from your work e-mail address unless you hate your job!

Sadly I had another thought on the afterlife, yesterday. I was thinking that maybe we're like TV Aliens, just assuming a skin on earth. In reality we're all the same. You know the image of a person stripped of their skin, muscle and tissue. Maybe that's how we look in the afterlife. Oh man... my brain is really f*cked.

F*cking HR. I get a lot of glare on my monitor due to the position of my desk. So, I spoke to HR and asked if they could do something. They suggested a anti-glare screen. I used to use one but that seems to make things much worse. So then they suggested I pull down the blinds on all the windows. I can't do that everyday, I can't stop the natural light. So they came up with the bright idea of raising my monitor by putting this weird cube underneath it. How the f*ck does that block out the sun? I can tilt my monitor... WHOOPDEEEEE DOOOOOO the sun still shines. Guess I'm not the only plasticine-brained person around. All this does it make what is on my screen visible to everyone... f*ck....

BUT LEAST I HAVE SOMETHING NICER TO END ON!!!

A friend of mine just came over to me and told me she is now engaged! :) Awesome. I hope it works out for her. :)

2003-08-17T07:16:00.000-07:00

Extinguishing.
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

When one is at the cinema watching a film (obviously) and some rat kid finds the need to irritate people by acting like a f*cking prick, is it wrong to pick up a fire extinguisher and smash him over the head with it? That shouldn't be a jailable offence, should it? It's strange, when I'm trying to do something such as watching a film and some sh*t from brains little c*nt decides to try to be 'cool' by mouthing away, I do get such violent urges towards him. I don't give a sh*t how old the kid is.. if he's old enough to be out alone and irritating then he's old enough to get a smack in the head, right??? Why can't all films be 18 rated. And groups of slaggy girls shouldn't be let in either... f*ck it.. no b*stard teenager... hell.. NOBODY under 21 should be let into the cinema unless their mouths are stitched shut and their mobile phones are in their mouths. F*ckers. F*CK IT. NOBODY SHOULD BE LET INTO THE CINEMA EXCEPT ME.

THE END.

2003-08-17T07:15:00.000-07:00

For Ammar.
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Further to our discussion yesterday (Saturday), after you guys left, I went to the potty. Wind.. just wind, but a lot of it. No sh*t. At 1 am, I went back down (the pain had set in my gut) and had a super duper sh*t. Sorry, I meant to bag it and post it to you. Maybe next time.

In the end.. I didn't go to sleep until 2:30am last night. What is wrong with me.

2003-08-16T16:13:00.000-07:00

Tri.
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Watched Terminator 3 and American Wedding today with Michelle, Peekers and Ammar. If you don't think about it too much and nit pick, Terminator 3 was much better than I expected and a fantastic action film. Pity to see Claire Danes has changed so much (aged...) but overall, I really enjoyed watching that film. American Wedding was fantastic, although I preferred American Pie 2. As always, the Stiffmeister was very very funny. Would have liked to have watched Freddy Versus Jason (for some reason) but there were too many people. Came back to our place after the films and watched The Mummy. (Much lamer than I remember) and just ended up having a chat about, death which then happily led to a long long chat about sh*tting. Went through a Photo CD and then returned to talking about sh*t.

Ahhhhh.... happy times..... :)

The following people have been good enough to newly visit and leave comments.

Amina's blog - Actually, she did visit before and I probably linked her but she visited again after getting more than 1 word... :D

Cindi's blog

Crystal's blog

2003-08-16T16:01:00.000-07:00

Plasticine.
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

I am bloody tired. So far this week, every single night I have gone to sleep at 1am and then gotten up at 6. That's not enough sleep. Each night I have also felt quite sleepy at around 9ish and then not gone to bed, and ended up staying up to that stupid hour. Thursday night I actually fell asleep whilst watching a film. Then I woke up, and instead of doing the intelligent thing and going to bed, I went to the computer. To me.. E=MC F*cking Idiot. (Incidentally, I wrote this during the day and as I'm posting it, it's now midnight..... ugh)

Last night, Ammar pointed out to me that my mind works in quite mysterious ways and that sometimes the way I jump between points is relatively mind-boggling. I know that I can't sit still for a moment, I always have to be doing something. Even watching TV. To me, that's a waste, I'd rather be using the computer whilst watching TV. I try to listen to everything someone says to me. I do pay attention although it may seem as though I don't because I'm busy doing something else. So, sometimes Michelle will say something and I'll carry on what I'm doing and the subject will move on to a different topic. Then, 30 minutes later I'll answer the question that she asked previously or even the day before. So, this got me thinking. Did something go wrong when God made me out of plasticine? Maybe he intended me to be some kind of genius but got his (then) sidekick Lucifer to do the job. Lucifer decided to rewire the synapses, neurons and whatnot and I end up not as a genius, not as an evil genius but as a damned moron who can write songs about sh*t, behave like a disturbed individual, reach a logically illogical conclusion and generally be a cross between Billy Madison and Rainman.

So Signs really made me think. Yeah yeah.. I know it's just a movie but some of the questions in the film are interesting to me.

Do things happen for a reason or, is it all just fate. Well, if you don't believe in God (any religion) I'd assume you can't believe in fate. For, if you don't believe that someone created you, then you can't believe anything is controlling the world. Right? Unless you have viewpoints relating to the stars and whatnot, which is fair enough, I guess. I think somethings do happen for a reason, I can't understand it sometimes but I firmly believe that there is someone behind the scenes controlling what happens. I don't mean choices, if I decide to steal or hurt someone, that is my choice, I made the wrong decision, nobody else made me do it. I was referring to why loved ones die, why wars start etc... BUT I suddenly realised that these viewpoints conflict with each other. For example, if someone is murdered, did this happen for a reason? If it did then that implies that the murderer had no choice in his act, doesn't it? Damn... this stuff is too deep and will just have me going round in circles. I guess, at the end of the day I need to believe in something or someone more powerful than us because I don't understand what happens after death. Others may say that that makes me weak, loyal (believing what I was taught) or even naive. Well.. I'm only human....(with a plasticine brain)

Which is worse? Imagine that you're married with two young kids. By some weird twist of fate you end up seriously injured with minutes to live. Is it worse to be the person dying, uncertain of what will happen next but more importantly knowing that they're about to be parted from those that they love, or is it worse to be the one left behind. I thought about it last night and decided that it would be worse to be left behind. Thinking about it a bit more I now know why. We're humans, we think as humans. Nobody really knows what happens after death, we can only come up with human ideas but ultimately nobody knows. The person left behind is left mourning the loss, we know that, we have seen or experienced it. The living partner knows that they will never see their spouse again. However, after death, do we retain our minds and memories? If we don't retain memories then we can't miss what we had. I should stop this now as I'm getting into realms that I'm not intelligent enough to discuss. If you have any views or ideas on this topic maybe you could e-mail me or leave a comment.

Anyway, started talking about lack of sleep and end up with life after death. Random, very very random.

2003-08-15T16:45:00.000-07:00

Bonjour, Wilkommen, Hello.. yadda yadda.
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Decided that now I'm getting some people from countries which don't primarily speak English, it may be a good idea to add a text translator to the site. So, whether English is or is not your first language, click a language. It's so much more fun.

2003-08-15T16:29:00.000-07:00

Friday Night Ammar.
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Just visited LeeLee's blog. A couple of guys posted the following comments on her message board.

dave: Nigel is such a funny guy, i wish more people were like that
Jack: Nigel is a funny dude. w2g

Nah.. I'm just a moron that watched too many Adam Sandler movies, but, thanks guys. Stay for a while and feel free to comment at liberty, one word or more... :D

Anyway, it's 11:52pm on Friday night and Ammario is heading home. It's been a long time since he's come round on a Friday and it was great to do it again. (No Gordon, I didn't 'DO IT' with him.) So, the three of us watched 'Signs' and ate some junk food from KFC. (You know... advertised the toy... better help the employees. Oh.. I had a coupon for buy 1 get 1 free on a 3 piece chicken meal. So, as I handed it over, I asked the guy.. Does that come with 6 pieces of chicken then? He looks at the coupon and says no. You get 3 pieces twice. I just nod. Man... maybe the KFC kit should include a calculator or maths look up table. Last time I checked, 3 x 2 was 6.) BUT.. I digress. Pretty good film, just the right amount of humour and scariness (or what ever the hell the word is). Anyway, after the film the three of us (Michelle being the third person) had a chat about death, the afterlife and similar stuff. Got to be quite interesting without getting to the deeply boring stage. BUT NO.. I won't bore you with that. I passed a car crash this morning and it kind of made me think. You leave your house with plans to go out, do your job, come back and do whatever. It's strange how life can suddenly change around you and that one day your wife, mother, father, sister, daughter, friend etc... may not actually return. It makes you put stuff into perspective and realise that stupid fights and bickering aren't really worth it when you consider the bigger picture.

I dropped Ammar off at the tube station a bit earlier and then as I drove back home a sex education advert played on the radio. The theme is 'Sex Lottery', i.e. you can pick up any disease real easy, be careful. So picture this.. loud gameshow music and the voiceover guy says, 'Hi.. and tonight you could win... Discharge or Anal Bleeding.' At that point I changed the advert. Strangely the first thing that popped into my head was.... Gordon. How weird is that.

I'm not sure why I'm blogging this next piece (from Ananova) because it is kind of gross but.... oh well, you've been warned.

A book bound with a murderer's skin is going on public display for the first time.

John Horwood was hanged on in April 1821 for killing a girl who had spurned his advances.

His body was given to a surgeon at Bristol Royal Infirmary to be dissected for the benefit of medical students, reports The Times.

The anatomist kept a detailed record of his findings and, after completing his work, had them bound together with a transcript of Horwood's trial.

His flayed skin was taken to a local tanner, who turned it into leather for the equivalent of Â£1.50. The surgeon, Richard Smith, spent a further Â£10 having the book bound and the front cover embossed with the skull and crossbones at each corner. The words Cutis Vera Johannis Horwood (The Skin of John Horwood) were added in gilt letters.

For decades the tome languished in the infirmary's library before being transferred to the Bristol Record Office, where it has gone on display as an exhibit in the National Archive Awareness Month.

And Finally, according to Sky News, a new toy for Geoffrey and Gordon will be on sale soon. It's another George Bush action figure. I don't think it's as good as the previous ones though, apparently, an older one said 17 different phrases including "Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America." Fantastic.

2003-08-15T04:54:00.000-07:00

Saturday Night at the movies
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

So tomorrow Michelle, Peeeeekachu, The ProMan (Ammar) and myself are planning to go and watch American Wedding and then Terminator 3. I've never seen more than 2 of the Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street franchises, I've always been a huge Halloween fan. I do realise that irrespective of which of these you have a preference for ultimately, they're all crap. Still, I like horror movies and even though I cannot classify any of the latter films as good horror films, i.e. just psycho-slasher gore flicks, I still enjoy watching movies in this genre. Somewhat strangely I do have an urge to go and watch Freddy vs Jason. WHY? I don't know. Peekers wants to see this films as well because the idea, to him, is just as good as Superman and some other superhero having a punch up. See, I think this sort of thing should be kept for comic books and as such, I have no idea why I want to see it. Ammar just told me that a London newspaper rated it 5/5. WTF???? How IS that possible.. I really can't believe that... maybe I should go watch it to see if they're right.. yeah... that's why I'll go see it. ;)

So, will it be 3 flicks tomorrow....

2003-08-14T14:57:00.000-07:00
Barney
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

And finally....

I have nothing against this guy, he's done nothing wrong to me and may the Lord have mercy on my soul but....*sigh*, poor Gordon has been requesting this over and over and who am I to disappoint him... I don't agree with any of what I write below.. I'm just a f*cking moron...Barney. I AM SORRY. Anyhooo....

Barney's Blog.
Bush is a traitor to his country. I know this because I read it on the Sun news' website. It must be true and as such I shall pass this off as my own story. Oh, what a surprise, Gordon tends to disagree well, here's a picture of Gordon getting f*cked by a dog. (sorry dude.. I didn't have any real images of human/dog f*cks in my porn collection)

Wow... maybe I should have become an artist... maybe I should put my ProMan & Shady comic strips up here....

2003-08-14T14:34:00.000-07:00
One Hundred Days of....
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

This is a blog I stumbled upon in my quest to leave single-word comments on all blogger blogs... I'm don't know if it would appeal to people that read this blog but I like it so here's a link...

One Hundred Days of

2003-08-14T14:21:00.000-07:00
LeeLee
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Over the last few days, myself and my humble sidekick PEEEKERS, along with Melissa and Ammar have visited LeeLee's blog and played with her a little. She's alright though... and so, here's another link to her blog. It's pretty good and worth visiting.

LeeLee's Journal

There's a f*cking dog yapping outside the window. BARK... BARK BARK..... BARK.... I get what Geoffrey felt towards the skunk now. I feel like throwing a tv at it and knocking the little b*stard out. UhOh... Anger Management therapy is required again... BUT C'MON... the damned thing is more irritating than that Little Squawk next door. Alright, Alright... shut up. No need to call the Animal Cruelty line just yet.... I can't actually see where the dog is but I can damn hear him loud and clear. He's probably just scared or something. Maybe I should find the owner and encourage the dog to savage the b*stard for living him like that. If there's one thing worse than annoying dogs, it's irresponsible owners. Oh no.. I've just had a thought... maybe the b*tch next door got a dog as well. WHY GOD??? WHY????????????

Anyway.. whatever, here's E's Giuliana.

2003-08-14T14:00:00.000-07:00
Melissa's Blog
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Melissa and Darryl finally have a blog. It's called NigelIsahomosexual.blogspot.com and is very funny. It's strangely well written!!! Good luck guys.

2003-08-14T05:24:00.000-07:00
F*cking kids
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

My GOD! There's f*cking kids squawking all over this place. WHY GOD? WHY???????? Please rid us of these critters. All I can say is, thank God Wing isn't here to abuse them.

2003-08-14T05:04:00.000-07:00
Ammar
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

I love phoning Ammar when he's at work and then coughing or making weird noises before hanging up. Just as much fun is leaving a mixture of silence, scratching noises and heavy breathing on his voicemail. Finally, sending him a text message when I'm having a dump is another great source of amusement. WING!!! Give him a call next time you're dropping the bomb. So strange that infantile things can be so much fun.....

2003-08-14T04:38:00.000-07:00
A-Level's OUT!
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

My God. Finally they've put someone on the desk adjacent to me. A guy. I wanted a female there, not some guy who will only converse with me about work or computers. Thankfully he says nothing. Best that way. Unfortunately he feels the need to eat bloody potent liverwurst or some other such foul smelling stuff daily. J*sus. Man that stuff stinks. I used to be sat opposite a guy that looked like the devil and had stinky sandwiches and fruit every day which he felt the need to slurrrrrrrp down.

Around 10ish everyday a lovely girl from the Canteen brings round a trolley with sandwiches, crisps, cookies etc... for people to purchase. Today the Canteen is holding a themed lunch, the theme being School Dinners. Sadly they've decided to hold a kids party after that where people with children bring them in and there'll be a clown and stuff. Man... how irritating will that be. Anyway, today, to go with the theme, the girl was dressed in a school uniform. Sweet Lord of all that is good and pure! Michelle, be thankful that I am so faithful.

So, three weeks ago I was pretty sure that I'd bought some BBQ Pork pieces for sandwiches. I'd forgotten about it until late in the week and then checked my fridge and finding it absent figured that I hadn't bought it. Turns out I did buy it. I packed it into the same carrier bag as the crisps I'd bought which sat in my car boot (trunk) for one week and then in my drawers at work for a further two. It's now nice and puffy. I've binned it. Maybe I should take it to Wing's house.. I mean, he ate crisps from my bin bag.......

Originally, I was going to write a blog entitled 'Fancy John & the Cub Scouts' but I'll leave that for another day. Today is the day that students in the UK find out just how badly they failed their exams. Poor b*stards. I remember the day I had to go to Uni to find out that I'd failed all 3 of my a-levels. Came as no surprise. I still got into Uni though and found that I wasn't as thick as I thought. That came as a huge shock. I now have a degree and write a sh*t blog. SEE. YOU TOO CAN BE LIKE ME, KIDS.

Seriously though, I'm doing alright and am quite happy. Personally a lot of the blame I lay at the feet of teachers that failed to encourage or help me and told me I'd fail and had no chance at university. During the first 5 years of secondary school I did very well and was an A/B grade student. Then I studied A Levels (the part before uni) and failed miserably. One of the subjects I failed was statistics when taken as an A-Level, 0ish I mean. I then studied it at uni and got 100%. Not just me either, a friend of mine who was in the same position as me also went from 0 to 100. Miracle? No. The teaching method was much better (no.. not special ed class Gordon... b*stard). Stats is damned easy, if it's explained sensibly. I know many people that did bad at school but have gone on to do very very well. It's not always the teachers fault but for me, it was. I don't have an issue with teachers per se, many of my teachers at school were very very good and really did encourage me but, to all the teachers that were lazy c*nts, to the bitch that said I'd fail science... hah.. I didn't did I, to the Uni lecturer who said I'd be lucky to get a 3rd class degree.... Slapped you with that, didn't I, b*tch... here's a big F*CK YOU.

To the person that will inevitably leave a 'thick b*stard' comment.... Thank you.

Melissa sent me a blog for today, she decided to be my guest blogger. Thanks...???? Anyway, for the sake of humanity I can't put it up in full here (every sentence starts with 'SO' but I can put a cut-down version....I have NOT added anything to it whatsoever. This is THE cut down version. (Compare it Melissa, you'll see I added nothing whatsoever.. just took out a lot... ;)

Hi! I Melissa. friend from Canada. Nigel told me that I could write! I hope you do too!

I am currently employed indirectly with a population of 600,000 people and approximately 20 minutes outside of Toronto.

So I just recently purchased tickets to go see hell. WELL my friends, Canadian Moist.his ass coming out in October and after it comes out he’ll be going on tour. I’m very excited about that.

Something else that is going on with me is my hugely, over-publicized so called “relationship” with Darryl. For those of you who didn’t get the truth (which I’m sure is not a whole lot of you) here it is. Darryl is Sean’s friend. I use to go out with Sean (long tsome want to go through again).

So anyway, when Sean first introduced Darryl to me, we went out in a car. So to lighten the mood, Darryl and I started back and forth. We were really just pissed. It didn’t phase him. We decided to go at it full force. we do it (but only at the right moment).

Then Sean was trying to shit. Darryl and I have!

So Darryl and I have a strong one

So I told Darryl that in February I wanted to spend some alone time bloody . So, this is where Internet participation comes into play. I need some. I’m going to have about $2000 Canadian dollars, and this is for one person. I think $2000 Canadian dollars equals something like 1400 pounds (if that sounds at all right)

I LOVE YO ALL!!!

Melissa.

And finally, everyone's favourite Semen swallower, Ammar, got a promotion at work. He's now senior Toilet Cleaner. :D Seriously though, well done buddy, you deserve it.

2003-08-13T16:45:00.000-07:00
MSN 6
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

MSN Messenger version 6 allows the user to attach a picture. This has caused some f*cking awful shocks. Some people have quite nice pretty pictures of themselves and some are downright scary. When attaching a picture of yourself, don't look like you're a f*cking hooded gangster indoors. It looks bloody stupid... ahem... DARRYL... DARRYL.... DARRYL.... and Mel.. don't have a super zoomed in picture, that almost made me sh*t my pants.

2003-08-13T16:41:00.000-07:00
Pikachu for rent.
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

After trying to sell Pikachu last week, I've decided to rent him out to all you lucky ladies. Peekers is a friend of mine who I used to work with. Very nice guy, very friendly, loves food. He enjoys cycling and masturbating. He is a non-smoker and can cook. On a first date (which he went on 3 times with an ex-friend of mine and still vehemently denies) he will eat his food, smile, eat your food and then attempt to kiss you and touch your t*ts. (SHE SAID IT, DUDE.) He does have a girlfriend, however, she is in Spain (see Wing Chu's blog - below). Pikachu is a gentleman and will treat the right lady with respect, so long as she feeds him and gives him blowies. I'm not entirely sure of his sexuality to be honest. He once took off his shirt and writhed on Ammar in the park. This was, of course, very amusing. Pikachu has a good job and will treat the renter to free sexual intercourse with himself. Please apply via the comments. (Jonathan - Your app will be rejected immediately.) (LeeLee - Yeah right..)

Flight included. You pay for the flight for me to send fat shady across. Thanks.

2003-08-13T16:30:00.000-07:00
Pikachu also has no life.
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

After my friendly 'Undulating' comment on LeeLee's (a.k.a silly b*tch) blog, the fantastic Mr. Pikachu stepped in and left her an 'ultra-undulating' comment. She got more upset and posted a blog about us no-life people. Damn. I'm so glad she finds time in her utlra-busy hectic schedule to blog about us no-lifers. What a girl. (or should that be grrrrrrrl) Anyway... I then left her a two word comment - 'Eat Shit.' Now her life is complete.

I love that girl, I had nothing to blog about before visiting her site (which, incidentally, I do quite like). Damn..I wish I lived in the fast lane like her.

Melissa has just taken it upon herself to write a guest blog for me to post. I fear it.

These people aren't as sh*t-headed (that doesn't meant they're partially sh*t-headed. I mean.. they may well be but who knows???)

Maria's blog

Gordon's best mate - Barney This dude likes to w*nk over pictures of women vomiting and men spreading their asshole. How strange.

2003-08-13T15:42:00.000-07:00
Book.
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Above our sofa we have some bookshelves. One of the books fell off and landed on the cushion. I didn't know this. I pulled the cushion away from the back of the sofa, the book fell off and wedged itself half way down behind the heater. F*cking thing. I actually would like to read that book, it's an Urban Legend book. So the book is half way down the back of the heater, I can't get my hand down there, if I use something to push it further, it won't come out the bottom. Damn it. I guess I'll have to try getting something under it and pushing it back up.

MUST BUY BOOKENDS. MUST BUY BOOKENDS.

Just visited the Bend Over Barney links that Geoffrey provided on his blog

My GOD! They are the foulest pictures I have ever had the misfortune to see. Do not view them if you are at work. DO NOT view them if you have eaten. DO NOT VIEW THEM EVER! Okay.. you know you want to. Very very sick. Still, it's worth viewing the Gordon and Geoffrey one. That is funny. (but not for work!) Wing... at last you can have new wallpaper!

If the comments below are working.. use them.. otherwise use this one...

2003-08-13T04:50:00.000-07:00
LeeLee says...
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

I have no idea what to write about today so I'll just insult LeeLee.

So, LeeLee thinks that 'all' I do is leave one word comments on people's blogs. I DON'T THINK SO. If she'd had the intelligence to read yesterday's blog (LeeLee - Use the scroll bar, you f*ckwit) she'd have seen that I also p*ss and sh*t a lot. A lot. (I also send text messages to certain friends to tell them I'm dumping - Ammar, you LUCKY GUY!) Quite ironically, for someone that leads a busy life she managed to find the time to reply to my comment on her site, telling me I have no life, and then visit my site and leave a comment. Nice one, LeeLee, hang a big sign round your neck with the words, Dumb B*tch written on it. Anyway, here's a two word comment for you. DRINK P*SS, and here's three - EAT YOUR SH*T.

You know nothing about me LeeLee. I spend at least 4 hours per week visiting sick children at my local hospital. On Wednesday evenings, after work, from 5 - 9 I do phone support for The Samaritans, a place for sad people to call and talk about their problems. I take 2 old ladies shopping on Sunday, and take their dogs for walks in the morning before I leave for work. Actually, that's all just bullsh*t, my life is boring... if only I was as interesting as Lee Lee.....

Peekers is planning to get me the KFC Fast food thing for Christmas. I would be excited but knowing him, he'll eat the plastic chicken legs, Wings, fries and the whole damned thing before I get to play with it.

Damnit... I preferred being p*ssy at stuff, at least it gave me something to blog about. Oh.. if only I had LeeLee's life, I too could blog about missing the bus ... oh....well....

The following people visited me yesterday after I left the comment 'undulating' on their blogs.

Marcus' blog - He is not a c*nt.

LeeLee's blog However, she may well be.

If the comments below are working.. use them.. otherwise use this one...

2003-08-12T16:42:00.000-07:00
Random Blog
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

So, I've been checking out random blogs again and leaving the comment 'undulating.' And then I came across...... well... read on.

After Gordon's comment in the 'Blogging' blog, yesterday, I wondered what other readers of this site would write if they had a blog....

I was going to start with John.. but though.. 'nah... I'll give the guy a break. So, what would Gordon's blog be like?

MONDAY
Woke up this morning. Mommy brought me a nice cup of hot chocolate. Drank it. Marvellous. Mommy makes the finest hot chocolate. Masturbated over my copy of navy boys monthly and then went downstairs. Switched on the computer and left various fight-starting comments on 62 blogs. Fantastic. Checked out www.navyboysarepretty.com, masturbated again and went back to bed. Called Mommy to turn off the light.

Gordon.

Geoffrey already has a blog... but if he didn't....

MONDAY
F*cking birds. F*cking chirping everymorning. Damn asshat birds. Picked up my gun and shot them out of the tree. Mocked Fred. Fought with 15 people on their blogs. Went to the local shop and started an argument with all the non-English speaking people. Asshats. Everyone is an asshat.

Geoffrey.

If Ammar had a blog, I think it'd go a little like this...

MONDAY

Hate Geoffrey. Geoffrey... hate him. Undulating..... Nigel.... always trying to wind me up. He'll never get me. HEH. Damn... he did.. 362 times this month.

Darryl and Melissa are too obvious...

So.. like I said, I was searching for Random blogs. I sadly stumbled upon this one. Hey Hey... now we know what Jonathan's blog is like 'cause here it is!!! Jonathan HAS HIS OWN BLOG... sick monkey was keeping it real quiet. He signs it by his pen name, Tony. BE WARNED THAT IT IS NOT FOR WORK VIEWING. DO NOT VIEW IT AT WORK. Here's Jonathan's blog.

If the comments below are working.. use them.. otherwise use this one...

2003-08-12T15:53:00.000-07:00
The Next Generation
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

What do you want for your kids? Do you want them to grow up to be fast, happy, fully-functional members of the community? Thought so. Then buy your kid the KFC Food Counter. Don't waste their time telling them to work hard at school and strive for greatness, just let them start as you know they'll go on. Smile! as your kids learn the art of serving fries, clap as they serve you two wings and two legs, marvel as they say Coleslaw?

Yes, your kids can prepare now for what they'll be doing for the rest of their lives.

The KFC food counter, only £19.99 from Amazon.co.uk

Apologies for the sh*tty comments system. I shall start using MT real soon!

For now, if the one below isn't working, this temporary one may....

2003-08-12T05:04:00.001-07:00
Secret Diary of Wing Chu

After looking at Wing Chu's blog... I had to carry it on....

Before you read this.... read THIS!!!!

This is what Wing would write, if he could write....

Trace has gone to Spain for a hen holiday. She went with lots of chicks and some buff none gay guy. He is yum. I am all alone. Trusty Trusky is with me. Trace has sed that i am not alowd to bone trusky or ejecalate in his mouth. She made me promise and wudnt let me cross myfingers. She also made me promise that I wuld not let trusky bone me either. (Apparently blow jobs are also a no go). This sucks. Trace locked away my buffy dvd collection so I can't even wank over that.

I sat alone for 5 hours in my room cuntempla... contemperlat... contimeplati....thinking about how I would get by. At 10:21am, the solution hit me. After I wiped it off my face and licked it up, I returned to thinking about what to do. At 6:22PM I had a plan. I got the mop from the kitchen, and dipped it into some paint. I put the blonde mop onto Trusky. Trusky looked like my love... Buffy. I dressed trusky up in traces clothes. trusky looked well fit. Trace had sed that i was not allowed to bone trusky and stuff. She said nothing about wanking him off into a cup. So I did that. Trusky howled a lot and then bucked and missed the cup. jizz juice landed all over my brothers kfc dinner. brother had gone to have a dump in the pot. I was mortfie... mortifye... mor... very upset to lose all that juice. I was about to go and lick the food when my bruther came back. I quickly ran into the corner of the room and hid. Just imagine how annoyed I was when he ate all the chicken and shouted that it was finger lickin' good. Nice and salty he said. B*stard dint even offer me any.

My life sucks.

Wing Chu.

2003-08-12T05:04:00.000-07:00
Blogging
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

I've been visiting various blogs and leaving single-word comments and some of those that I visit then visit me. Generally, I've liked most of the blogs I've visited. It's interesting to see what people blog about.

Some people blog about their strong political views. The blog is in essence a platform for them. This can be quite interesting to read so long as the person has a commenting facility AND allows people to freely put their own views across. To me it is pointless to have such a facility and to then edit the comments or only host those with views that agree with oneself.

Some people talk about their life. This can be extremely boring or extremely interesting. To me, these can be the best kind of blogs as we're all people-watchers in essence.

Sadly quite a few of the good blogs that I've visited don't have a commenting facility. Get one.. it enhances the blog! (Ironically, my commenting facility is down at present!!!)

My blog... I don't know what it's about. This and that I guess. So, I thought to myself, my life is boring but, I wonder what it'd be like if I was to document my daily routine.... well, let's see....

Monday

Woke up this morning at 6:15. Went for a piss and sh*t. Had a shower. Woke Michelle up. Got lunch ready. Got into car. Switched on air conditioning. Drove to work. Got out of car. Switched on PC. Checked e-mail. Lots of sh*t in my Inbox. Talked to Kenny D. Worked. Sobbed silently when informed I was on a boring course for the day. Went to course. Drank water. Fell asleep. Woke up. Looked around. Fell asleep. Woke up. Looked around. Fell asleep. Woke up. Looked around. Fell asleep. Woke up. Looked around. Fell asleep. Woke up. Looked around. Went for a p*ss. Ate. biscuit. Fell asleep. Woke up. Silently cursed the guy that asked too many (stupid) questions. Fell back to sleep. Ate lunch. Walked around town with friends. Went back to course. Promptly fell asleep. Woke up. Played minesweeper whilst lecturer said " BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH " Changed the wallpaper repeatedly. Played with calculator. Went back to sleep. Left course. Looked for a duvet cover in Debenhams. £80 for a duvet cover... WTF???? Went home. P*ssed. Watched TV. Looked at other people's blogs. Blogged. Ate. P*ssed. Shat. Showered. Read book and made plop plops. P*ssed more. Went to bed. Went back downstairs and p*ssed again. Went back up to sleep. Woke up at midnight. Went down and p*ssed. Had a drink. Went back up to sleep. Alarm wakes me up at 6:15. Routine starts all over again.

Not sure I've mentioned this here before. I used to write a blog for Wing. It is, in essence, what Wing would write if he could write. Go check it out...when I have nothing to blog I shall carry on Wing's diary on this site...

http://wingchu.blogspot.com

The following people visited me yesterday after I left the comment 'auspicious!!!!' on their blogs. :D Suggestions for new words are most welcome.

Joanna Banana! - her real name Jobellina, I think... what a nice name. Gordon.. there's pussy on that page... you'll like it. Don't worry, it's work-friendly.

t1mel3ss' blog

Jujuba's blog - Forget it Wing, it's from Brazil. Being that you can barely read and write in English...you have very little chance. :(

2003-08-11T10:08:00.000-07:00
Being an asshole Part 2
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : People with a sense of humour Dislike : People without a sense of humour. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

So, I do stupid stuff for fun.. that's pretty much me. I'm not malicious... yeah.. generally, I'm not.. :D

One of the blogs that I visited yesterday was a reasonably nice blog written by a nice-enough girl. She was debating on whether she should or shouldn't get her nose pierced. She was lucky. Every single blog that I randomly visited yesterday, I left a comment. The comment was one word. Prodigious. This girl was lucky, she got a proper comment from me... two, to be exact. The first was, "you could get your eyebrow pierced", the second, "or failing that, your ass." She banned me. HA HA HA.....

Anyway, the following people visited me after this and seem to be fun people.

Kendall's blog - Didn't leave a comment for her previously... not sure how she came here. :)

t1mel3ss' blog

Carrie's blog

Gordon... get a blog!!!!

2003-08-10T14:27:00.000-07:00
Being an asshole...
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Err... Dislike : Morons. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

I'm just visiting random sites on blogger now and leaving completely random messages for people in their comments section.

If you received one and are here now... hello.

There's a good chance I didn't even like your blog 'cause blogger is home to many millions of sh*t blogs, this one being no exception. Of course, I may have liked your blog.

If you do give a sh*t...

You suck.

2003-08-10T14:11:00.000-07:00
The Shining
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Err... Dislike : Morons. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

F*cking Blogger shit c*nt... b*tch...

Anyway.... there comes a time in a person's life when he realises he should be nice when he talks about other people. Well, ladies and gentlemen, when that day comes, I'm sure I'll let you know... until then... my neighbour - what a stupid b*tch. As my maths teacher used to say... as thick as pigsh*t in a milk bottle. Now, he was a character BUT.. I digress.

My neighbour is stupid. I don't need to explain this, take it from me, she is. She has a sprog. The sprog has a mouth which never shuts. I hear... MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMM, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.......... and...

I W A N T T O T E L L T H E K I D T O

S H U T T H E H E L L U P !

KIDS NEED DISCIPLINE.

Believe me, it is clear that little b*tch presides over thick b*tch in that house.... ain't NO doubt about it.

Man.. the amount of times I'm watching something and BANG BANG BANG... the kid is running like she's trying to get away from a horny a bull, or else the mother is bouncing that damned kid on the floor.... no.. probably the kid bouncing the mother on the floor.

Anyway, Saturday morning I leave my house, go to the garage and open the doors. Little b*tch and her sidekick are sitting on the pavement (sidewalk Jonathan - ya dumbfuck). I have no idea where sidekick came from. Maybe she was created during some weird devil worshiping ceremony next door. But anyway, they're there. Little b*tch and sidekick stare at me with blank expression less faces. So I think... uh... O KKKKKKKK.... and go reverse my car out of the garage. Get out of the car and the devil twins are still staring at me ... um... through me. I lock up the garage and they're still staring as I get back into my car. I mouth f*cking freaks (not directly at them - I do have some self control you know! - Geoffrey.. please try to get some) as the stare at me and I drive off.

OH MY GOD... I'm surprised they never slaughtered me there and then. Damn.. I'm sure one of these days I'll wake up to find them at the foot of the bed with some knives in their paws

Ugh....

Oh.. sorry for the lack of updates.. oh no wait... f*ck you.....

Little b*tch and her sidekick

2003-08-07T13:18:00.000-07:00
The End is Nigh...
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub and MY CD WRITER! IT'S BRILL! Dislike : Morons. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

End of the week, that is... and phew!!!! It's been a busy week, lots of work, which is cool, better than being bored. Had a nice day... happily busy. Went out for lunch with a friend, picked up some stuff from McDonalds and went to a local park. Sat down on the grass, ate lunch and had a chat. 50 minutes later, decided it was time to head back to the office. Got up and my arse was dead. DEAD. DEAD ARSE... Super Numb, like I'd had 10 local anaesthetic's on my arse. Walking with a dead arse is definately a strange feeling.

Too hot here... far too hot.

2003-08-06T05:09:00.000-07:00
Rhyme Time.
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub and MY CD WRITER! IT'S BRILL! Dislike : Morons. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Yes folks, it's Ammar TIME! The game you can play with your kids. Get little Jonny to play the tune on the piano whilst you point to the lyrics with your laser pen. Fun for ALL the family.

Sung to the tune 'Baa Baa Black Sheep'

Ammar, Ammar,
Would you like some cum?
Yes Sir, Yes Sir,
Fuck me in the bum.

Got fucked by the master,
Got Fucked by the dame,
Got Fucked by the little boy,
Who lives down the lane.

Ammar, Ammar,
I hope that you had fun,
Yes Sir, Yes Sir,
I love it in the bum,

Sucked off the master,
Strap-On from the dame,
Cock from that little boy,
Geoffrey was his name.

Sung to the tune 'Old McDonald'

Old McAmmar had a farm,
E I E I O........
and on that farm he got assfucked,
E I E I O........

With a blowjob here,
and an assfuck there,
cockjob, blowjob,
smelly jizz everywhere.

Old McAmmar had a farm,
E I E I O........

and on that farm he had Geoffrey,
E I E I O........
Gordon suffered from jealousy,
E I E I O........

First Geoff ass fucked,
Then Ammar sucked,
Bucking, Sucking,
Fucking everywhere.

Old McAmmar had a farm,
E I E I O........

AND On that farm, Gordon did cry
E I E I O........
For he wanted some of that Pootang Pie,
E I E I O........

And in came Jon,
Pulled out his schlong,
Sucked Gordon's Cock,
and Geoffrey's Dong.

Old McAmmar had a farm.....

EEEEEEEE IIIIIIIIIII

EEEEEEEE IIIIIIIIIII

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

AND FINALLY... for those of you that missed it previously... here it is again.

My New Canadian Anthem...

I'm Canadian, I am thick.
Dude, I love to lick a dick,
And I love to go fuck moose,
Oh my God, My ass is loose,

So I'll smack a hockey puck,
Dude, I'm just a dumb canuck,
So I'll get into your truck,
And let you give my ass a f*ck,

We think that Canada is cool,
But we're under British rule,
Cause we can't control ourselves,
We're like a bunch of Christmas Elves,

We think that Syrup is so good,
But our brains are thick as wood,
And we think that it's a hoot,
So let's all jump and shout ABOOT,

The mounties got their man,
Then they f*ck his ass, BAM,
And we love to lick bear cock,
Specially when it's hard as rock,

Melissa, oh the girl's a ho,
Pull your dick out and she'll blow,
And her buddy Darryl R,
Had his ass f*cked in his car.

And whilst we're speaking of dipsh*ts,
Where the hell's that f*cking prick,
Jonny boy oh where've you gone,
Gone to go and suck a schlong?

A Maple leaf? What the fuck?
We should've used a hockey puck,
We'll go to hell, we've sinned
We're stupid, we're Canadian

2003-08-06T05:05:00.000-07:00
NewsWorthy Stuff
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub and MY CD WRITER! IT'S BRILL! Dislike : Morons. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

News news... all bad news. War here, stabbing there, blah blah blah. Thank God for Annanova's Quirky stories.

Be aware that the 'Penis in Dinner' story is one you may wish to not read whilst consuming food... penis' or otherwise.(Does not apply to CockChomper Wing).

Bus driver skirts shorts ban

A Swedish male bus driver has decided to skirt his company's shorts ban - by driving in a dress.

The weather is hot in Sweden as well and making it unbearable to wear a uniform when driving busses in Umea.

The bus company does not allow drivers to wear shorts, so Mats Lundgren claims he has found the ideal solution.

He arrives to work in a dress. According to the regulations there are no rules against driving in dresses.

The manager of the bus company says he was surprised when he saw Mr Lundgren in a dress, but will not take action as he is not doing anything illegal.

Bank offers dog gold credit card

A dog has been offered a gold credit card with a £10,000 limit.

The Royal Bank of Scotland sent an application form to Raymond Slater's pet Shih Tzu, Monty

Monty, from Stockport, Greater Manchester, was offered a gold credit card and the chance to earn air miles.

An RBS spokeswoman said: "We have apologised for any inconvenience caused to Mr Slater.

"We bought the name from a list broker and have no idea why Monty's details were provided.

"His name has now been removed from the database and we are sending a hamper to Mr Slater by way of apology."

Boy, 3, crashes car twice in a week

A three-year-old German boy caused two car crashes within a week - and was driving both times.

The boy, from Bocholt, took his parents' keys, got into their car and managed to start it.

He drove for about 10 metres before crashing into a parked car.

The child was unhurt, but caused £3,600 of damage.

Four days later, a television team visited the family to shoot a story about the boy's lucky escape.

They first filmed the boy taking the keys, then put him into the driver's seat again for more authentic pictures.

The minute his father and the crew stepped aside to start filming, the boy started the car again with the keys he had just taken.

This time, he bumped into a car parked only one metre away. He caused another £700 of damage and escaped unhurt again.

Police say they are satisfied the TV crew didn't intend to let the boy drive again.

Orchestra member fined for hitting colleague who hit bum note

A member of a German orchestra has been fined more than £300 for fighting with a colleague who failed to hit the right note.

The Beethoven Orchestra in Bonn was holding a rehearsal in front of members of the public at the Beethoven Hall in the city when one of the first violinists played the wrong note.

A fellow musician pointed out his colleague's mistake but when the violinist failed to hit the right note for a second time a fight broke out.

Other members of the orchestra jumped in to defend the string player.

The attacker has been goven a fine by the City of Bonn local authority which employs the musicians.

Blackmailer included his bank details in demand

A blackmailer who tried to extort over £20,000 from his boss was caught after he included his bank account details in the demand letter.

The warehouse worker, from Bonn in Germany, named only as Herbert V, threatened to reveal information about his boss to the tax man if he did not transfer the money into his bank account.

His employer took the letter to police, who traced the blackmailer's identity through the bank details.

The 34-year-old now faces charges of attempted blackmail, and has lost his job at the warehouse.

Bank robber caught after leaving CV at scene

A bank robber has been arrested in Texas after he allegedly wrote a bomb threat on the back of his CV.

Police say Frederick McDowell, 32, left the paper behind after he robbed a Wells Fargo Bank branch in Fort Worth.

Sergeant Kevin Morton said McDowell had tried to conceal his CV by taping some black paper over his CV details.

He allegedly placed a bag on the bank counter and gave the cashier the note indicating it contained a bomb.

After the cashier placed a few thousand dollars in another bag, the suspect hurried from the bank, carrying both bags.

"Problem is he forgot to take the note with him," Sgt Morton told the Star-Telegram.

Woman has 'penis in dinner' law suit thrown out

A 60-year-old South African woman has been told she cannot sue her employer - after finding a penis in her canteen dinner.

The discovery of a piece of cooked penis in her stew was so traumatic for the hospital cleaner that she had to receive psychiatric help, reports South African daily The Star.

Sophie Matlala says she was so upset that she became a vegetarian overnight.

The Pretoria High Court heard this week that her ordeal at Medforum Hospital occurred on May 11, 1999, as she sat down for lunch and started to enjoy a plate of goulash.

Ms Matlala took a couple of forkfulls of golash before "tackling the meat". She says it was slippery and she could not cut it with a knife. She took it in her hand and placed it in her mouth, but the court heard that the "meat" was so tough she could not bite through it.

She took the offending morsel out of her mouth, inspected it with her colleagues, and they all concluded that it was a penis.

Ms Matlala said she vomited for the rest of the afternoon. She claimed that the hospital has a duty to ensure that meals served to staff are fit for human consumption.

Hospital authorities confirmed the woman's suspicions, but indicated that meals for the staff were obtained from a different supplier from the one who supplied food for patients.

Because it had been cooked, it could not be established whether the penis was from a human or an animal.

Judge Phineas Mojapelo turned down her application. He pointed out that she had had three years from the date of the incident to institute legal action but had failed to do so until it was too late. He expressed the hope that her legal advisers would advise her that she could institute a claim against them.

2003-08-05T08:41:00.000-07:00
SlutGate
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub and MY CD WRITER! IT'S BRILL! Dislike : Morons. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

That dirty slut, Melissa, recently accused me of terming her as a 'prostitute'

In a conversation today, the truth came out.

Melissa says: i'm not mean to you
Melissa says: you're mean to me

Poop says: no
Poop says: you to mean.
Poop says: me

Melissa says: but you're mean to me as well

Poop says: give me an example

Melissa says: you called me a prostitue on your blog
Melissa says: that's not true
Melissa says: it hurt my feelings

Poop says: Where?
Poop says: I kinda thought I had but couldn't find it.

Melissa says: really?

Poop says: Yeah.

Melissa says: i thought you did
Melissa says: huh

Poop says: Take a look
Poop says: When you said that it surprised me.
Poop says: I looked at the blog for that day said.
Poop says: Darryl - Shitting on Melissa
Poop says: Melissa - Being shat on by Darryl (apparently)
Poop says: that was what I wrote.. and it reffered to Darryl, not you..
Poop says: take a look
Poop says: I never edited it either..

Melissa says: i don't have time to look at it right now
Melissa says: give me 2 minutes

Poop says: k

Melissa says: lol
Melissa says: i'm sorry...i take back the accusation

My good character has been dragged through the mud by this woman. She has made false accusations and accused me of a heinous crime. The past few hours have been terrible for me, and my family as I have been maligned. I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone that supported me throughout SlutGate.

When asked for a comment, Melissa made this statement.

Melissa says: the girl that sean tried to moleste? darryl is going out with her

Poop says: really?

Melissa says: well they're not official or anything, but he's seeing her

Poop says: how old is he?

Melissa says: 19...will be 20 in november

Poop says: she?

Melissa says: 51
Melissa says: er, 15
Melissa says: lol

WHAT A BITCH!!!!!!!!!!

2003-08-05T05:12:00.000-07:00
Guess who's back
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub and teasing Ammar. Dislike : Tails (Poncy - fancy himself guy from a certain team). Most Wanted : A local Subway, and Kirsten Dunst. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Nice to see that (as Geoffrey says) Mama's boy Gordon has returned. Your ass healed yet?

2003-08-05T05:11:00.000-07:00
Melissa - Not a Prostitute
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub and teasing Ammar. Dislike : Tails (Poncy - fancy himself guy from a certain team). Most Wanted : A local Subway, and Kirsten Dunst. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

NOTICE

Melissa was recently termed as a 'prostitute' on this site. I would like to take this opportunity to apologise unreservedly to Melissa, her family and her boyfriends/clients for any hurt or inconvenience caused by this. I now realise that to have termed her as such was unfair to her and prostitutes in general. Furthermore, such terming was factually inaccurate, prostitutes don't do it to their mates for free.

Nigel

Oh.. after actually re-reading the past few blogs/comments.. I don't think I actually did call her a prostitute.. she just implied I did within a comment for now real reason. How strange. (Guess she must be feeling dirty) I did use the term slut quite freely though. Anyhow... I take back the apology... SLUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

2003-08-05T04:25:00.000-07:00
Ammar Sucks
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub and teasing Ammar. Dislike : Tails (Poncy - fancy himself guy from a certain team). Most Wanted : A local Subway, and Kirsten Dunst. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Ammar is having his head read today

Text - From Me to Ammar.
Don't choke on the eye doctor's cock when he shoves it in your gob

Text - From Ammar to Me.
At least I don't swallow! Appointment is at 2pm near oxford cirucs but it's so hot outside...

Text - From Me to Ammar.
That implies that you do suck dick though

Text - From Ammar to Me.
You too though

Text - From Me to Ammar.
Don't imply that you've sucked me off. You know that has never and will never happen. I'm pretty sure you've swallowed Wing's jizz.

Text - From Ammar to Me.
Stop daydreaming and get back to work.

I read this on the Sky News website today. I like the idea of it!

'FLASH MOBS' BEWILDER US

Americans are being left baffled by a bizarre phenomenon that is sweeping the US.

Called "flash mob", dozens and sometimes hundreds of people are turning up in public places and carrying out wacky, pointless stunts.

The mass mobilisation is organised by email - those taking part agree to turn up at a certain place at a certain time to carry out the act.

They then disappear a few minutes later, leaving bystanders scratching their heads and wondering what was going on.

'Love Rug'

In the latest incident, 200 people turned up at a bookstore in Cambridge, Massachusetts, and pretended to look for a card.

On cue, they then burst into spontaneous applause and left.

The craze began two months ago in New York's world-famous department store Macy's.

Dozens of 'flash-mobbers' crowded around a $10,000 oriental rug, claiming they all lived together and wanted to buy the "love rug".

Flash-mobbing is now sweeping the globe.

In Rome, hundreds flooded a bookstore, asking employees for imaginary books and authors.

And in San Francisco, a flock repeatedly crossed a busy road back and forth, waving their arms in the air and spinning in circles.

Tourists stood and watched dumbfounded.

2003-08-04T11:02:00.000-07:00
Darryl's Weekend.
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub Dislike : Stuff. Most Wanted : A local Subway, and Kirsten Dunst. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

From Annanova

Flasher bitten on testicles

A flasher who exposed himself to a woman in Croatia was bitten in the testicles by her dog.

The 36-year-old from Zagreb dropped his trousers after spotting a woman in her front garden.

But when he put his penis through a hole in the woman's garden fence her dog, named Medo, pounced on him, Croat news agency Hina reports.

The man was taken to hospital where doctors said he had sustained injuries to his testicles.

He was later arrested after admitting the cause of his injury.

Russian wants to sell Hitler's 'penis'

A Russian man who claims to be in possession of Hitler's mummified penis is to put it up for sale.

Ivan Zudropov says he's prepared to allow a DNA test on it to confirm its origins.

Mr Zudropov claims his father, Vasiliy, was a Red Army soldier who saw action in Berlin and was one of the troops who was first into the Nazi's command bunker, where he found Hitler's body.

Mr Zudropov said the Russian soldiers had stripped the body of clothing, then kicked and punched it before hacking it up, and that his dad had decided to keep a piece as a souvenir.

He told the Express Gazeta daily: "My father wanted to take a souvenir from Hitler. He first wanted to cut off his head, but later he decided to cut off his penis."

Man tried on condoms in shop

A Norwegian man pulled his trousers down in a sex shop and said he wanted to try on some condoms.

The man, from Haugesund, had picked two kinds of condoms and as he stood by the counter wondering which would fit him the best, he decided to try them on.

But staff in the sex shop said he was so polite that they decided against reporting him for indecent exposure.

Police spokesman Trond Friberg told Haugesunds Avis: "Maybe it was a bet or a stag night stunt. Anyway it is not pleasant for those experiencing it."

2003-08-04T10:53:00.000-07:00
Me, Myself and I.
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub Dislike : Stuff. Most Wanted : A local Subway, and Kirsten Dunst. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

I am home alone. My other half has left me to go and for a week long course. I was not meant to be left alone, I'm very much like Stitch, hence the name of this blog, I am, the devil, in disguise. Ammar will vouch for that. Hell, anyone that has met me will. I am a fun loving guy. I am not a guy that likes to be sh*t bored. If I'm in the house with someone else and I am bored, I will irritate them until they either a) hit me b) play with me or c) I get bored of doing that. Being that I am here on my own, I have nobody to irritate. So, on Sunday I wiped the computer and got it back to a happy place. Today, I worked overtime and then ended up doing painting. I'm currently thinking about what to do tomorrow. Maybe I should just be a delinquent, go steal a car and joyride around the town.

What are you doing tomorrow?

Ammar is having his head examined tomorrow. Poor mutt.

Michelle will probably be munching on Subway and living the life of Riley.

Wing is unwanted currently and will just sit in the corner and lick his balls.

Darryl is apparently shitting on Melissa

Melissa is apparently being shat on (but only in washrooms).

Ammar thought Darryl was Melissa's boyfriend but now I've cleared that up, he thinks he's just 'weird'.

I agree.

2003-08-03T09:49:00.000-07:00
Got Mail
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub Dislike : Stuff. Most Wanted : A local Subway, and Kirsten Dunst. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Burnt it, wiped it, reinstalled it. Much happier PC. Almost hassle free.

Got a mail from Darryl...

From: "D R"
To: bluesquirrel_x@hotmail.com
Date: Fri, 01 Aug 2003 12:58:53 -0500

I gave Melissa a chili dog last night.

http://www.number-one-adult-sexual-health-terms-advisor.com/obsecure.htm

According to the above site.. a chili dog is 'When you take a hot dump on a girl's tits and then proceed to titty fuck her.'

Thanks for that Darryl. Email the pics and I'll post them on here for you.

2003-08-01T06:09:00.000-07:00
Wing for sale
Happiness Factor : Happy. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub Dislike : Stuff. Most Wanted : A local Subway, and Kirsten Dunst. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

After yesterday's 10 chicken Wing lunch, I went back today, with Michelle and ate 8 more wings. Now I feel like a tubby b*tch. Anyway....

Somewhat annoyingly, it is against Ebay's rules to sell humans. I've been trying to get rid of Wing for a while now but cannot auction him or swap him via any of the big websites. So, I've given up and will do it myself on here. If you wish to bid for him please enter an amount in the comments section. Be sensible please. Make sure you enter an amount higher than previous bids. The winning bidder MUST purchase Wing.

Wing (Pikachu) for sale

One Wing for sale. Likeable 'fat little fella' (Paul's words.. not mine). Kinda pudgy, always happy. Just like a little dog. Is house trained.

A.K.A. : The real fat Shady. Pudge. Wingeepoos. Pikachu. Gumpachu. Peekers. Seven Rolls. Shitbreak.

Likes : Anything he can put in his mouth. Food, drink, cock.. anything. Enjoys frequent masturbating and defecating. (Once spent an entire day in the toilet and used 7 rolls of pot paper (according to him).

Dislikes : People eating his food.

Breed : 100% pure mutt.

Likeability : High.

Affectionate : Oh yeah.. boy or girl.. yeah.

Will : Perform oral sex for owner (male or female) and look at your tits.

Good Point : Will eat anything.

Bad Points : Will eat everything.

Warning : Wing may not mix with other animals. He may eat them.

Final Word : He's unique.. he's our WingeeyPoos. (Ammar's pet name for him)

Wing being held by his previous owner.

2003-07-31T14:59:00.000-07:00
Back to the future
Happiness Factor : Ecstatic. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub and my old home page! Dislike : Not much. I'm too nice for that. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

In 1999, I was slightly demented. Alright alright.. I was slightly less demented than I am now but demented ... whatever. Shut up and read. Michelle remembered an old website I used to have and.. somewhat strangely, it's still on the web. How weird. You'd think they'd have pulled it by now. Anyway, it demonstrates how out of touch with reality I was even back then. FIne.. I was so f*cking funny even then.

Go check it out and be sure to click on the 'Photos of ME' and the 'casebook' sections.

The site is called, BlueSquirrel's Nuts and it's here...

http://welcome.to/bluesquirrel

Here's a baby picture from the site...

2003-07-31T06:05:00.000-07:00
Immigration
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub and MY CD WRITER! IT'S BRILL! Dislike : Morons. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

I had a long chat with Melissa last night about immigration. First time in ages that we've had a discussion which didn't involve me calling her derrogatory names. Anyway, someone she knows has pretty strong anti-immigration views but really only about a certain nationalities. That to me is just racism, not a valid viewpoint. If you actually do have anti-immigration views, you have them about every nation. You're either pro immigration, anti or you don't care. You can't be pro some and anti others, one can't say that people from Finland can join our country but not those from Denmark. That's stupidity not intelligence. So what if one group of people outweight another, people are people, they're all individuals. You can't judge one by what another does.

Hatred of any group of people just shows the stupidity of the hater. The hater lacks intelligence. Yes, stereotypes (I believe) do have a valid basis. Things must originate somewhere but, not all people are the same. If I hated every group of people because on an individual I've had problems with, I'd hate the whole world. (Sometimes I do! :D ) Everyone is different, accept it, don't be a silly b*stard. Yeah, I know we're all slightly predjudiced against some group but most of us don't act on that, we judge each person as an individual.

Immigration, am I for or against? Neither. It doesn't really bother me too much, IF the following rules are met. Everyone, I belive, is entitled to better themselves and to a better life. That should be a basic right. BUT, one must give, in order to receive. If you want to live in another country and reap their benefits, be prepared to work and contribute. People that want to just get a free ride should have no place in society. Shoot them for all I care.. leeches are a waste of resource.

A strange issue some of the strong viewed anti immigrant people forget is that they, somewhere along the line, more than likely, come from an immigrant family. Yes, they may have been born in a specific country but technically, only a pure blooded person and their descendants have the RIGHT (if anyone does) to live in a certain country. That being the case, most people living where they do would be immediately deported. So to those who spout off about the issue, if people in previous ages had your viewpoint would you have even been in the country?

Saying immigrants take all the job is bullshit. A lot of them do menial jobs to survive. I don't believe they ARE all given free rides, that's the papers blowing sh*t out of proportion, stirring it up and simpletons assuming all that they read is true. Yes, some do abuse the system but not all. Most of them I believe aren't living the high life, quite the opposite. Don't forget that foreign companies employ a lot of people and create a lot of jobs. If all the foreign companies pulled out of the country as well then a lot of people would be unemployed.

If immigrants do wish to join the country they should speak the language of that country. It should become their main language and they should teach their kids that language. If they can't be bothered then they shouldn't emigrate. If they are unable to learn the language, unless they are escaping persecution, they shouldn't be allowed into that country. Immigrants should adapt to the country NOT expect it to adapt to them. They choose to move over, as such, they should adapt to their new environment.

I don't like the fact that most of my tax doesn't benefit me but I don't blame it on immigrants. Yeah.. I'm sure some of my money does fund them, and I can understand that, but, as long as they don't receive unreasonable benefits, I don't mind. I'm fully aware that a lot of tax funds the single mothers who get pregnant so that they can get free housing, it also funds the people that screw they system and so on. And surprise surprise, some of them were BORN in the country and AREN'T immigrants.

I don't think people from minorities deserve special funds. Equal opportunites yes. Not special priviledges. Everyone has the same right to education. If kids live in a non-English speaking household that's the major problem, and I've spoken about this already. How come we have things like the MOBO awards. If we had a Music of White Origin awards ceremony, there'd be a huge backlash, an outcry of racism. So why is this fine? Yeah, I know the awards don't just go to one ethnicity of people but the principle would be wrong, if the other way around.

Ultimately it's easy to blame asylum seekers for all our problems but intelligently, that's bullsh*t. They aren't to blame for all the money issues. If people want to join the country where I live, I don't give a f*ck as long as they pay their way. As long as they adapt to the country, work and pay their taxes, good for them. As long as they contribute, I'm cool with that because to me, the mix of cultures in London is one of the greatest things about the city and helps us all to appreciate others.

Until next time... take care of yourself, and each other. :D

2003-07-31T05:50:00.000-07:00
Pikachu and SlutPuppy
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub and MY CD WRITER! IT'S BRILL! Dislike : Morons. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

I just went for a group lunch with the other members of my team. Pikachu, you'll be pleased to know that as part of the lunch I devoured 10 chicken Wings. I'm sure you could have managed 50.

Ammar may be upset to hear this because, it does mean his days of fame as ProMan are over but soon, I'll start putting up Pikachu(TM) and SlutPuppy(S&M) comic strips. Wing can vouch for my talent for sickness. Should be good I hope.

Pink. Now I dislike her as much as the next non-lesbian but sadly her irritating song 'Get the Party Started' is spinning in my head. DAMN IT!

I've also got an irritating song by Jamiroquai stuck in my head. All his songs sounds the same. W*nker.

Why does Elton John always wear sunglasses, even in doors.

AND another thing, why does Nelly always sport a plaster on his face. He looks like a damned fool.

When people become famous and attain the title 'celebrity' do they instantly turn into f*ckwits?

2003-07-30T11:17:00.000-07:00
Got Pics?
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub and MY CD WRITER! IT'S BRILL! Dislike : Morons. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Well well.. I've been clearing out my hard disc and lo and behold what do I find? A picture of a (non-naked) Wing sitting on Ammar's lap. A picture of Ammar in a little pain 'cause Wing squashed his testicles... (amused us greatly) and a picture of Wing attempt to get his head nearer to Ammar's cock.

Hmmmmm.. should I post these pictures????

2003-07-30T11:13:00.000-07:00
Real Melissa.
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub and MY CD WRITER! IT'S BRILL! Dislike : Morons. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Will the real Melissa please stand up,
and put one of those cocks in each hand up,
and be proud to be out of your mind, out of your medicine,
one more time, spread your legs, let 'em in.

Wing keeps questioning whether Melissa is a real slut, or just a figment of my depraved, sick mind. Sadly, Wing, Melissa is a real slut, she really is Canadian.. no, she's not a 19 year old teacher, that was just to excite Gordon (now living with his mommy in Florida). She is very real and very Canadian, she even says ABOOT... I sh*t you not. She is also a dumb blonde. I asked how do I spell atest, she said.. you're missing the a and the l, like she thought I meant, at least. I meant ATTEST you stupid dumb canuck. Anyone, Darryl can ATTEST that Melissa is real, he can also ATTEST that he wants to f*ck her, and can also ATTEST that although she's happy to get smoochy, she's not ready to let him in... as yet.

Anyway, basically, SlutPuppy Melissa is as real as Ammar is gullible. That's real enough!

2003-07-30T10:58:00.000-07:00
Bee Flies.
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub and MY CD WRITER! IT'S BRILL! Dislike : Morons. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

The area in which I work is f*cking saturated with dirty little bee flies. They're not bees, and they're not flies, they're some weird cross. This is what comes of poking your cock into the hive Gordon. Bloody critters kept swarming and crawling on the car, like it's bloody made of pollen or something. They travelled on the car all the way home and even when I sprayed the b*stards with windscreen fluid and smacked them with the wipers, they stayed alive. Indestructable.

F*cking bee flies.

Have I mentioned that I LOVE MY CD WRITER.

2003-07-30T05:41:00.000-07:00
Wing came out.
Happiness Factor : Need to slap someone. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub Dislike : Morons. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

So.. I use to tease Wing about being gay. I didn't seriously believe he was and if he was.. wouldn't matter to me. Just wanted him to be honest. Anyway turns out he may well be.. and his 'girlfriend' is just a cover story.

Mutual_Friend says: u must be privy to the rumours that an overtly gay club was attended at the weekend
Poop says: Heh.
Poop says: I thought you were on.. shaz was there.. time for fun.
Mutual_Friend says: indeed
Mutual_Friend says: yeah, went to **** ** in ****** on saturday night
Mutual_Friend says: a rampant gay bar
Poop says: I didn't hear these rumours.
Mutual_Friend says: oh fuck, the cat is out of the bag
Mutual_Friend says: it was an eye opener in the extreme
Poop says: who else was there?
Mutual_Friend says: irish suzanne
Mutual_Friend says: and about 300 lurved up botty men and some lez action also
Mutual_Friend says: it was v different
Poop says: was pikachu there?
Mutual_Friend says: if that is wing, indeed he was
Poop says: I KNEW IT!
Poop says: He kept that pretty quiet.
Poop says: So, Wing was at a gay bar on the weekend.
Poop says: Did he pull?
Mutual_Friend says: a few admiring glances, i'm sure...
Poop says: Did he seem to have a boner at all, during the evening?
Mutual_Friend says: some bloke carressed my knee and leg as he walked past me
Poop says: probably Wing.
Mutual_Friend says: i feel used
Poop says: and happy I guess.
Mutual_Friend says: whehey
Mutual_Friend says: anyway, had better get on

2003-07-29T04:26:00.000-07:00
Damned Fools
Happiness Factor : Need to slap someone. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub Dislike : Morons. Most Wanted : Kirsten Dunst. and to be allowed to beat stupid people with a rock. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

UhOh! Just went to the potty, washed my hands and noticed in the mirror that my hair is thinning pretty bad. Guess I'm going to have to go the Elton John route any day now and go to the Poutney Clinic for a hair transplant. Luckily for me it's only a 10 minute drive, 5 if there's no traffic.

Sometimes one comes across a person and it leaves them wondering how this individual is even able to fart without help from other people. Some people are so incredibly stupid. I've been moved onto another project at work to help get it finished on time. The stuff I was working on previously requires a little bit of monkey work to be done. Previously I was working on two different projects. Still with me? Good. You can't be the guy to whom this refers then. He'd have been confused by now. Anyway, I e-mailed the two people that are going to be doing this work on my previous project. One e-mail to two people. Within the e-mail, one paragraph was entitled PROJECT A - (Well the equivalent of that), and the next paragraph PROJECT B. Within each paragraph I wrote out a very easy-to-follow (i.e. copy and paste) version of how to access the latest version of my files. I then wrote a few lines explaining, very explicitly that, files x, y and z are required ONLY FOR PROJECT A. files t, u, v are required only for PROJECT B.

So, within a few minutes, as expected, the moron comes up to me and asks me a question which, due to what we work on and his (apparent) seniority, was so incredibly stupid. Despite this, I answered it. I won't go into it here as it'd require explanations from me which I can't be bothered with. He is working on PROJECT B by the way. He says to me, I can't see files x, y and z in my view. I'm thinking DUMBF*CK. I point to the e-mail and say, Like I explained in the mail, these files are only for PROJECT A. You don't need them. He then says, Yes but, I'm looking at an older version and I don't see them. I tell him, you need to look at the new version, using the stuff in the e-mail and you don't need them anyway. They are NOT for your project. He then says, yes but I can't see them in this version. So, I get up and walk over to his computer, point out that he's using the wrong version and he doesn't need them and walk off. This man is like a damned moron. Some sort of a bloody idiot. 20 minutes pass and he then comes up to me and says, I just want to clarify, I don't need Files x,y,z in my project but I do need t,u,v. I point to the mail and say, Like it says, files X,Y,Z are ONLY FOR PROJECT A. Files T,U,V are ONLY FOR PROJECT B. How stupid can one person be??? It's at times like these that I find it hard not to stand up, shout at him and tell him that he is, without a doubt, the most foolish man I've ever met. Did I mention that he earns £34,000 per year???? F*ck me. Not bad for a special ed student.

Previously, I'd been given a guy to work with. I showed him how our system worked. Oh, I'm a coder by the way. I asked him to code something based on this and told him that I'd come back later to see that it was okay. So, three hours later I ask if he's done and he says yes. I then ask if he can show me the stuff so I can check it. He looks at me like I'm stupid. So I ask where it is. He says what? I say, The code that you wrote, to which he replies, Oh, I wrote it in my head. I just stared at him for a couple of seconds and then walked out, swearing under my breath. This guy was earning at least £50 an hour. My God. Oh.. did I mention that he couldn't even use Windows?

Pricks....

2003-07-28T15:04:00.000-07:00
Where's Gordon?
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub Dislike : The Heat!!! Most Wanted : A local Subway, and Kirsten Dunst. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Where the hell is Gordon? I've heard from Geoffrey that he's turned into a fat, lazy pig but that's all. Where the hell is he? Did Geoffrey f*ck him to death? Was he ass-raped by Geoffrey and his posse and then left to die on the beach, with his pants round his ankles and sand in his ass crack? Did he start to make his way home and was assaulted and butt-f*cked by Jonathan? Did Fred the cat finally lose his rag and bite Gordon's cock off as opposed to give it the usual suck? WHERE IS GORDON?

If you have any information, please leave a comment or phone 1-800-COCK-BOY.

Thank you.

2003-07-28T14:53:00.000-07:00
Good enough to eat
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub Dislike : The Heat!!! Most Wanted : A local Subway, and Kirsten Dunst. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

From Anannova...

A German accused of killing and eating a gay man he met in an internet chatroom reportedly auditioned four other potential willing victims, including a Briton.

Investigators say the four "cannibalism candidates" agreed to be subjected to a physical suitability examination by their prospective killer, Stern magazine reports.

Lured by internet adverts saying "I could just gobble you up", the four men - three from Germany and one from London - went to the alleged killer's secluded farm house near Kassel, Germany, for the interview and physical examination.

Three of the men reportedly refused to be killed and eaten, saying they had thought it was all some erotic role-playing game. The fourth man was rejected as "pudgy and unsexy" by the killer.

He allowed all four cannibalism candidates to go free after their auditions, according to Stern.

Prosecutors are broadening the investigation to include 430 other people believed to have been involved in the internet gay cannibalism chatroom, that led to the death of a 42-year-old German.

Prosecutors are convinced that the victim, a computer analyst from Berlin, agreed to be killed and eaten.

His dismembered and partially devoured remains were found at the home of the 41-year-old suspect, identified only as Armin M, who has been charged with murder.

2003-07-28T14:44:00.000-07:00
My CD Writer
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub Dislike : The Heat!!! Most Wanted : A local Subway, and Kirsten Dunst. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

I LOVE my new CD Writer. Now that I've uninstalled the supplied software (Roxio - Easy CD Creator - BASIC VERSION), and installed the much superior Nero V6, it's sweeeeeeeet. I can burn VCDs in 3 minutes. The supplied software was utter sh*t and those tight fisted wankers at Roxio license a sh*t basic version which is very very basic, can't even burn VCDs. C*nts.

Tony Martin, the farmer who shot dead a burglar and injured another was released from prison today. This guy should never ever have been imprisoned. The law is a crock of sh*t at times. How is it right that when some b*stard breaks into your property you have no right to kill them. That, to me, is fair enough. If someone breaks into your house, you shouldn't have to wait to see if they intend to put your life in danger before beating the sh*t out of them. As soon as they enter your property without your consent, they know what could happen. Tony Martin, as far as I'm concerned was well within his rights to shoot that kid (16 years) and the other intruder. After 30 break ins, he should if he'd tortured them first, he'd have been fine in my book. The sickening thing is that until a few days ago the second intruder was planning to sue Martin for loss of earnings and receiving legal aid to do so. We need more public beatings for sh*theads like him. Martin being jailed is disgusting and a failing of the justice system of this country. Criminals should have no rights, f*ck them, f*ck their human rights, once they breach those of other people, f*ck them.

2003-07-27T15:59:00.000-07:00
Romeo and Juliet
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub Dislike : The Heat!!! Most Wanted : A local Subway, and Kirsten Dunst. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

SO.. The lovers, Romeo (Geoffrey) and Juliet (Gordon) are back from their f*ck fest and it's time to ask the question. If one of you at least could be so kind to answer, I'd appreciate it.

1) Did you guys have a fun f*cking session?
2) Did Fred join in?
3) Did Jonathan join in or was he just sulking in the bushes with his pants round his ankles and his cock in his hand?

2003-07-27T15:21:00.000-07:00
F*cking Computers
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub Dislike : The Heat!!! Most Wanted : A local Subway, and Kirsten Dunst. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

F*cking computers. They're a b*tch aren't they. Well, they're marvellous devices when they're working but when they're not.. they're right piss sh*tters. I got a new CD Writer 'cause my old one doesn't like XP very much. Took a f*cking age to get the computer to recognise it and boot up. Then, I get into Windows and somehow my fonts are messed up. They're not clean looking for a start and they're double sized. B*stard thing. I've reset what I can and that's not it. I checked that large fonts aren't enabled etc...and they're not. B*tch. Oh well.. in a few weeks I'll burn everything on the PC to a disc and then wipe it clean.

The blog. What the hell happened. All my comments are screwed. They're all still there, I logged in and checked but the link isn't working properly. It's not correctly picking up the Blog ID field so, every single blog points to the same comments. Piece of sh*t.

Anyway.. manually updated most of the recent blogs... Blogger = Sh*t. Of course, I do actually own a domain now. Can I be bothered to move to it... Clearly not. Cocksh*t.

2003-07-26T15:54:00.000-07:00
Geoffrey Got Ass Fucked
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub Dislike : The Heat!!! Most Wanted : A local Subway, and Kirsten Dunst. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

The two lovers, Gordon and Geoffrey, have gone away for a little lover's retreat. They've flown off to some little Island where gay guys can get down and ass-f*ck each other on the beach. Jonathan is probably jealously hiding in the trees with his cock in his hand, beating off whilst his brother porks Gordy. Spoke to Gordon on Thursday briefly before he and Geoffrey went off for their fuckfest. He seemed quite excitable about being able to 'run naked on the beach with Geoffy and make love to him in the sand.' Hope you guys have a lovely time.

I was going to slag off Melissa here but.. I decided against it. Instead, here's a poem about Gordon ass-f*cking Geoffrey, whilst Fred the cat and Jonathan watch.

Gordy and Geoff have gone away,
To an Island, to be gay,
Gordon will bend Geoffrey over and fuck him,
Then he'll turn round and Geoffrey will suck him,

Geoffrey and Gordon will lay on the sand,
Gordon will grab Geoffrey's cock with his hand,
Geoffrey will let Gordon wank him real slow,
Gordon will get Geoffrey's cock out to blow,

Jonathan hides in the bush like a peeper,
Sticking his fingers in Fred, deep and deeper,
Fred will meeow and Jonathan will cum,
At the same time as Gordy shoots right up Geoff's bum.

2003-07-24T07:53:00.001-07:00
Subway got spammed
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub Dislike : The Heat!!! Most Wanted : A local Subway, and Kirsten Dunst. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

After spamming me.. I spammed Subway. It was an accident though, each time I clicked send, the mail appeared to fail, so I hit back and send, back and send.. about 20 times. Finally I got a response...

----- Original Message -----
From: "Richelle Eijkens"
To: "'webaccount'" <**********@myrealbox.com>
Sent: Thursday, July 24, 2003 2:00 PM
Subject: RE:

Dear Nigel,

Thank you for your email. Your message is pretty clear......

I will remove you from all our distribution lists.

Relax and have a great day!

Kind regards,
SUBWAY INTERNATIONAL BV

Richelle Eijkens

-----Original Message-----
From: webaccount [mailto:**********@myrealbox.com]
Sent: 24 July 2003 14:41
To: eijkens_r@subway.com; ouden_m@subway.com
Subject:

Hello, if it wasn't bad that you cretins spammed with 5 e-mails, 1 phone
call and 3 leaflets through the post last time, sending me 8 mails about
a Subway Franchise in one day is pretty ridiculous.

Congratulations though, your stupidity does amaze me.

Anyway, remove my address (if you are at all capable) from your
database. I DON'T WANT A FRANCHISE. ME NOT WANT FRANCHISE. NO FRANCHISE.

N
O

F
R
A
N
C
H
I
S
E

W
A
N
T
E
D

This means.. DO NOT MAIL ME AGAIN..>EVER<.

It does not mean I want 16 mails next time.

As a side issue.. those marketing e-mails are really shit. Nobody in
their right mind would sign up after that. Hire some technical bods to
create a good looking e-mail that doesn't look like you did it in 5
minutes in your e-mail programme. I recommend subscribe to other major
companies and looking at their mailshots.

Spamming people DOESN'T keep in touch, it pisses off.

Why do I care if you guys have Subways located in military bases and
hospitals. Doesn't mean I want a franchise. Make your product more
appealing.

Hire some proper marketing people.. you guys suck on several levels.

Good luck in hell.

Nigel.

2003-07-24T05:23:00.000-07:00
Canadians - Let's Slap them
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub Dislike : The Heat!!! Most Wanted : A local Subway, and Kirsten Dunst. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Been busy for a few days so no updates then I come back to see that some stupid Canuck has been b*tching like a b*tch on the board. THE COMMENTS SECTION ISN'T FOR CANADIANS...(unless they're hot or funny)

Anyway... to address your concerns..

NUMBER ONE: Learn how to spell Celine's last name. She is the only good thing to come out of Quebec. It's Dion. Not Dione.
-Just like an arrogant Canadian to assume that THAT Celine was who I was talking about.

NUMBER TWO: Canada...what is it good for? Oh man, and you have to ask? 2 words...Molson Canadian
-So... all a Canadian can come up with is .. beer. Typical Stupid Canadian. GO back to the forest wearing a chequered shirt and chop down a tree.

NUMBER THREE: You've known Darryl all of what? a few weeks, and you've known me for like 6 years, and he's a pro and I'M A CON?? WHAT'S UP WITH THAT???
-DUHHHHH... The more you get to know a Canadian, the more you dislike them. Note how I'm fair, I'm giving him a chance. I'm sure that as time goes by I'll dislike him more and more.

NUMBER FOUR: I totally agree about Kim Cattrel.
-I refer you to YOUR first point. Her surname is CATTRAL. Spell it right, stupid Canadian. We still rule your country, shut the hell up.

NUMBER FIVE: Another thing Canadians are good for are Maple Syrup on your f*cking pancakes. I know how much Michelle LOVES pure Maple Syrup, and you can only get it (done right) from one place...THAT'S RIGHT! CANADA.
-This reply is two fold, firstly, I don't like syrup on my pancakes, and secondly... YOU STILL HAVE THE F*CKING SYRUP THAT YOU WERE MEANT TO SEND AS MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT. B*TCH. TYPICAL F*CKING CANADIAN. SEND A PRESENT, GET IT BACK CAUSE THEY CAN'T ADDRESS IT RIGHT AND THEN STUFF IT DOWN THEIR FAT CHOPS.

If I had the time and the space, I'd sing the national anthem cause you ignorent English people don't even know it. You'd have to look it up on the Internet or something.
-Your national anthem is the same as ours. You don't have one.. you are JUST A CANADIAN. Besides if you did have one it'd probably go like this.

I'm Canadian, I am thick.
Dude, I love to lick a dick,
And I love to go fuck moose,
Oh my God, My ass is loose,

So I'll smack a hockey puck,
Dude, I'm just a dumb canuck,
So I'll get into your truck,
And let you give my ass a f*ck,

We think that Canada is cool,
But we're under British rule,
Cause we can't control ourselves,
We're like a bunch of Christmas Elves,

We think that Syrup is so good,
But our brains are thick as wood,
And we think that it's a hoot,
So let's all jump and shout ABOOT,

The mounties got their man,
Then they f*ck his ass, BAM,
And we love to lick bear cock,
Specially when it's hard as rock,

Melissa, oh the girl's a ho,
Pull your dick out and she'll blow,
And her buddy Darryl R,
Had his ass f*cked in his car.

And whilst we're speaking of dipsh*ts,
Where the hell's that f*cking prick,
Jonny boy oh where've you gone,
Gone to go and suck a schlong?

A Maple leaf? What the fuck?
We should've used a hockey puck,
We'll go to hell, we've sinned
We're stupid, we're Canadian

2003-07-22T14:49:00.000-07:00
Canadians - Do we need them?
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub Dislike : The Heat!!! Most Wanted : A local Subway, and Kirsten Dunst. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

Hello. Today we're here to discuss Canadians. Do we really need them?

Pro - Joshua Jackson
Con - Celine Dione

Pro - Avril Lavigne
Con - Pamela Anderson???

Pro - Michael J. Fox
Con - Dan Aykroyd

Pro - John Candy
Con - Jim Carrey

Pro - Matthew Perry
Con - Jason Priestley

Pro - Eugene Levy
Against - Tom Green

Pro - Alanis Morisette/Sarah Mclachlan/Neve Campbell
Con - Kim Cattral (ugh - BARK BARK BARK)

Pro - Darryl
Against - Melissa

Ugh.. There are so many bloody Canadians. Invasion. And from the list of women... SLAPPERS (cept for Neve Campbell and Avril).... hmmm... we don't really need Canadians. Go ahead America, do what you do best, bomb the Canadians.

Source - http://schwinger.harvard.edu/~terning/Canadians/

2003-07-22T14:14:00.000-07:00
More Subway
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub Dislike : The Heat!!! Most Wanted : A local Subway, and Kirsten Dunst. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

I love Subway subs. Without a doubt, they do the best fast food that's out there. Subway goooood. I do however hate when Subway spam me... again. F*cking pricklickers. How thick are these b*stards? VERY THICK...that's how thick. I mailed them previously after they decided to send me 3 postal packs, 1 phone call and 5 e-mails to grab a franchise. They apologised. Now I get 8 mails.. all the same? WTF? Morons. It's cool though, I shall send them a shitload of mails soon and then subscribe the senders e-mail address to everything I can. I know it's a real address 'cause I've received replies from her before. This'll be fun.. :)

2003-07-19T15:05:00.000-07:00
Job Description
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub Dislike : The Heat!!! Most Wanted : A local Subway, and Kirsten Dunst. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

It's that time of year again (for me). Time to renew my house insurance. So, I figured I'd try to get a better deal by checking out an online quote. Got to the job description section and was stunned by the number of job descriptions available to choose from for Occupation and Employer's Business. These include (for occupation) Tattoist, Temperature Time Recorder (WTF???), Tomato Grower, Turkey Farmer, Tug Skipper and that's only for the letter T!!!! For employer's business I can choose from SlaughterHouse, Shot Blasters (No idea), Shutter Manufacturer, Slimming Distribution and many many more.

Click here to create your ideal job. :)

2003-07-19T11:09:00.000-07:00
New Romantics
Happiness Factor : Fine. Like : Subway Chicken Teriyaki Sub Dislike : The Heat!!! Most Wanted : A local Subway, and Kirsten Dunst. Advertising : Natalie Imbruglia - White Lillies Island

It's been a GREAT day! There was a fillipino festival in the local park which I went to today. Lots of good food, lots of lovely fillipino people (no Geoffrey, they're not all maids, house keepers and sex slaves) (yes Gordon, they can speak English) and lots of fun. Came home and started playing with Kazaa. It's Michelle's 21st birthday on Wednesday and we're having a party on Friday. So, I thought about getting some great songs from the 60s and 70s.. you know the stuff, Traditional Party music such as YMCA, Dancing Queen, My Girl etc. My mind works quite rapidly and manically (pretty obvious really!) and synapses started firing everywhere. We then arrive in the New Romantic period, or 'When Guys dressed as Girls' as Michelle puts it. This period was also known as 'The Jonathan period' fact fans! Ended up downloading many tracks from that age, Boy George, Wham etc... (The Birdie Song! :D) AND THEN the 80s... Vanilla Ice (yep yep), Mc. Hammar, Ghostbusters, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Turtle Power), Take That. It amazes me that I still know the words to these songs. Like the Lord, the brain does also work in very mysterious ways.

Just read that MiniMe (2ft 8) is marrying his girlfriend (6ft 2). Awwww, love is blind... I wonder if he's ever crawled.... nah.. that's just too sick. (Stop beating off Wing).

I wonder if Melissa did go out last night for a drink with Darryl and then play f*ck buddies.... Incidentally, I just noticed that the snowball in the blog below has TASTY written across it. Someone sure likes snowballing....

In case Melissa put up the no entry sign.. here's a picture of Vanilla for you to jack off to, Darryl.